Antithesis
by Female President Cocoa-sensei
Summary: "Nanami you have no idea how much you mean to us," it is in which the mind contradicts the beating of your heart. Nanami Haruka X All. [SeriesOfOneShots]
1. Chapter One: (Otoya) Cheer Up

**Antithesis**

 **Summary:** _"Nanami you have no idea how much you mean to us," it is in which the mind contradicts the beating of your heart. Nanami Haruka X All. [SeriesOfOneShots]_

 **Pairings:** _Ittoki Otoya X Nanami Haruka._

 **Warnings:** _Alternate universe, a lot of cliche scenes, too much depressing stuff, OOC, grammar mistakes, and issues._

 **A/N:** Well what do we have here, another story from me. I want to sigh so much. I was bored and determined but that was it, I don't have the talent to update sooner. I'm finally done on Otoya's chapter after about two weeks of laziness and school. Well that's an excuse. And I may or may not have been playing games. But the problem is... I ended up writing this. For some reason, Clash of Clans made me write... a lot of kissing scenes. Let's just get it on with the story, hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Uta no Prince-sama or any of its characters. This story is purely fan made and no profit has been made.

 **Next chapter: Kurusu Syo**

* * *

 **[Chapter One: Cheer Up]  
** _"It is in which the relationship supposed to have no strings attached,"_

* * *

 _Sometimes Nanami looked sad…_

* * *

"Otoya-kun!"

Her amber eyes looked at him with so much urgency that it seemed like someone was chasing her. The red head blinked when she stood in front of his desk and stared at his crimson orbs which were probably the same shade as his face right now. It was seven in the morning and homeroom would begin in about fifteen minutes, it was one of those times that he never imagined the girl to be the one to personally approach him. She seemed to hesitate for a second and she shyly fiddled the ends of her skirt. Perhaps it was because of the fact that her best friend, Shibuya Tomochika was absent and she had no choice but to consult him. She was really not that good with words.

"What is it Nanami?"

He could feel the intense stare from the majority of the boys in their class. It was their third and last year in high school at Shining Academy which was a school meant only for the rich and elites. Otoya was an orphan and a scholar at the school but he had many friends and fitted in. There were a lot of students that got sponsored so it was common. But when someone like Nanami Haruka, the only heir to the Nanami corps talks to you, they would definitely be filled with envy.

"I kind of… uhh… umm… f-forgot my assignment in… say… do you have… c-can I… in Math,"

At some point all of the ladies in the room were shooting daggers at the one who approached Otoya. Though her family was infamous and had a lot of influence, she was a typical target of bullying because of her timid and soft personality. Haruka was dubbed by the girls as 'Miss two goody shoes' in their classroom. He tried to ignore all the looks and focused his attention back to Haruka.

"Sure why not, mathematics is the third subject right? It'll be bad if one of the teachers caught you doing the assignment of another subject in their class," he was scanning through his desk and handed her his notebook where they were supposed to answer.

"T-Thank you," she tried her very best not to stutter and bowed at him before walking towards her desk which was a couple across him.

Haruka has always been formal to everyone except her best friend. She also had a lot of admirers in their school. Take for example Shinomiya Natsuki and Hijirikawa Masato in their room. Aijima Cecil, Jinguji Ren and Kurusu Syo from another class in their level also showed interest towards her. It was not surprising to find their upperclassmen Camus, Kurosaki Ranmaru and Kotobuki Reiji stealing glances at her. Not to mention, younger guys such as Mikaze Ai were also rumored to have admiration towards her. A lot of guys tried to court her but failed.

And everyone knew the reason why.

"She must have been with Tokiya again yesterday. How nice is it to have an idol as your boyfriend!"

She was dating Ichinose Tokiya, a popular idol in Japan who was in the same year as them. Though he also attended Shining Academy and was classmates with Cecil, Ren and Syo, he was rarely seen due to his busy schedule. Unknowingly, Otoya couldn't help but sigh. A lot envied Haruka because of her relationship with the male. A lot also wished that they were in Tokiya's place. They were the perfect couple. They both had looks above average and had exceptional talent when it came to music. No one would dare to step in between.

* * *

 _Sometimes she looked like she was falling apart…_

* * *

Otoya nervously gulped when he saw their English teacher, Tsukimiya Ringo approach Haruka's desk.

His classmate had her head hung low and her eyes half lidded as if she was about to fall asleep. The teacher paused in front of her seat and brought his hand on her skin, feeling her neck and forehead. It was only the second period and Haruka already showed signs of sleep deprivation. She must have been feeling really tired or perhaps she was sick.

Ringo's eyes scanned the room before it landed on the red head, "Otoyan, can you accompany Haru-chan to the infirmary? It seems like she's not feeling very well."

The student nodded and stood up from his seat while the girl silently followed.

So she was sick.

The trip to the infirmary was silent and awkward. No one dared to speak and he only stole glances from her to check if she was alright. He didn't want to bother her when he noticed the dark shades of color under her eyes. Were they there before? He didn't notice that earlier. Haruka must be really tired. It was the first time she forgot her assignment and to take care of her appearance. She was usually always responsible with her duties and health.

"Is something bothering you?" he finally took the courage to ask her, being the good friend he was.

Honestly, Otoya was worried. He would be lying if he denied the fact that he didn't have feelings for her. At one point and until now he had hints of romantic ones for her. He just found it wrong to confess when someone already had a lover. He tried to ignore it knowing that at some point it would most likely vanish and he would be left with nothing.

Haruka shook her head and said, "I'm just tired."

He wanted to ask her again and confirm if she was lying but thought that it would be too personal. He was just a classmate, not even a friend. Thinking about her should be the duties of Tokiya. He should be the one to console her and take care of her. It was rather unfair how Haruka seemed to invade his thoughts every now and then.

"I didn't get to have that much sleep last night. I'm sorry if I bothered you,"

Her answer was acceptable. It was common and he also had those sometimes so he understood. Haruka was human and was not perfect, she had her flaws. Worrying would be exaggeration. This was something general, nothing unusual. She lacked sleep and nothing else happened. That's all.

"'It's fine, I'm not that good in English anyway. I couldn't understand anything Rin-chan was talking about! Walking and accompanying you to the infirmary is good," It was obvious how Otoya tried to lift her spirit and how she smiled for the first time of the day. He showed her his trademark grin, satisfied at her reaction.

"Thank you," she smiled at him one last time.

Otoya pursed his lips and tried to smile back. His hands were clenched and his teeth were gritted, he was trying so hard to surpass the blush that he felt creeping up his face. It would be so perfect if he could just rip out his heart, tell it to calm down and put it back on its proper position.

* * *

 _Sometimes I didn't bother to ask…_

* * *

Natsuki blinked at some point of our conversation with Masato joining them.

"Haru-chan's not back yet? Lunch time is nearly done,"

Otoya hummed in thought while Masato glanced at his watch, "There's barely five minutes left."

Haruka has been in the infirmary halfway since second period and now its lunch time. She didn't even return during other periods or recess. Her things were left untouched on the desk with her English notebook still open and her pen on it. When they arrived at the infirmary earlier, she said that she was just really tired and the nurse let her sleep, afraid that she might faint. She looked like she really needed rest and just smiled at Otoya when he exited the room to go back.

"She said that she was tired that's why she's sleeping at the infirmary. She lacked sleep that's why she felt bad earlier during Rin-chan's class,"

For some reason after he replied on the girl's stead, he received smiles and weird looks from his classmates. Otoya owlishly blinked at their accusation. Was it wrong to tell what exactly happened to her? They were the ones who started the subject so it showed good manners to reply. He didn't exactly get why Natsuki was giggling and Masato was nodding on his seat.

"W-What?" Otoya curiously and nervously asked.

The expressions plastered on his friends' faces seemed dangerous and cunning.

"You seem pretty close to Nanami," Masato said with his face looking as collected as ever but if you were friends and knew him well, you could clearly see how his eyes lit up with playfulness.

Natsuki on the other hand was expressive and easy to read as usual, "Yeah! She talked to you this morning! You're so lucky, Otoya!"

Honestly, it seemed a little weird when the sons of the Hijirikawa and Shinomiya corporations were telling him how fortunate he was. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Otoya found himself laughing awkwardly in the midst of their assumptions. She just wanted to copy his assignment earlier.

"You two are compatible. Do you realize how much you steal glances from her?"

The red head's eyes widened and seemed startled at the sudden statement.

Him and… Haruka? More importantly, since when has he stolen glances from her?

"You two would look so cute together! You two blush so easily and people would be like, awww the cute blushing couple. Your hair colors are a bit similar so it must be fated! Just like how Syo-chan and I were supposed to be childhood friends!"

Otoya grew red at that, "W-What are you talking about?" Great, now he was stuttering.

Masato raised a brow at him and crossed his arms above his chest, "Nanami trusts you Otoya. She's usually so bashful and nervous. She even took the courage to approach you this morning when Shibuya took weeks to convince her to be her friend. And from what you said earlier, she told you that she was tired. She's comfortable to be around you."

"Is that a spark I see? That's great, Otoyan!" Natsuki seemed to be cheering loudly and Otoya blushed, a bit embarrassed.

"S-She's not interested in me! There's no spark between us! And besides…" Otoya paused and frowned, crestfallen. If there was one thing he wanted to do last, it was hoping for nothing.

Masato sighed and continued for him, "You two would have ended up together if she wasn't dating that idol."

Natsuki nodded, supporting his friend's statement with a smile.

* * *

 _Because Nanami has a special someone…_

* * *

It was about seven in the evening when Otoya started to walk back home. Classes had ended since four and he just finished his part time job at the bakery. All he does was to wrap cakes, take orders and serve coffee to those who stayed at the café. It was a pretty fun job, sometimes he got to take some desserts home and the pay was pretty high. He wanted to help his foster family in some way that he can and not just impose on them. They insisted that it was fine because they were proud that he got admitted to Shining Academy but he did it anyway.

 _Drip._

 _Drip._

 _Drop._

Otoya looked upwards and he immediately closed his eyes when drops of water hit his lashes. He completely forgot that it was June, a month when it rained very often. Without any choice left, Otoya started running for his life trying not to catch a cold but figured that it was useless and that he was getting soaked to the bone. Thinking, he stopped by the playground and hid under the tall slides to open his bag and get his umbrella. He should remember to thank his mother for putting that in there.

Sighing, he shook his head trying to get the water out of it like an ill-mannered puppy. He didn't bother fixing it, it was dark and no one would see or recognize him anyway. About to open his umbrella, he blinked when he saw someone's back in front of him a couple of meters away.

"Nanami?" he narrowed his eyes, trying to make his vision more clear because the rain was blocking the view.

He recognizes that hair color anywhere. It was coral-pink and he knows that it was rare. Moreover, who has coral-pink hair which was short and went to the same school as him? He stared for a couple more seconds to confirm. She was sitting on the swing, unmoving and her head hung low.

Otoya flinched on his place before rushing towards her, leaving his bag and umbrella behind.

"Nanami! Nanami, what's wrong?" he asked, bending down her level and shook her shoulders.

She was sick and tired so what was she doing out in the rain alone? Was she suicidal? He cupped her cheeks with his hands, not minding if the action was intimate. He tried to make her face him and succeeded but her eyes were dead, soulless as if. He has never seen her like this before. Not so broken.

"Nanami…" he couldn't help but mutter her name as if he was sobbing.

She was cold and freezing as ice, it nearly took her a minute to realize that he was in front of her before she smiled and asked, "Otoya-kun, how are you?"

The red head wanted to correct her for that. She should ask that to herself. Has she seen how she looked? She looked like a porcelain doll abandoned in the playground because she was broken and unfixable. Her skin was usually pale but not to this extent. Where did her rosy lips and cheeks go? Her hair was more messed up than Otoya's and though her eyes looked dead, they changed from sunset to red. Was she crying? Was it the rain or were those actual tears she was looking at him with?

"What's wrong?" he worriedly asked, his eyes scanning her figure which was more soaked than his.

Haruka chuckled and shook her head saying, "I'm just tired."

It was the same thing she told him this morning.

Painfully closing his eyes, he draped his blazer around her before walking towards where he left and grabbed his bag and umbrella. The rain was still strong and it was already late. Leaving someone alone in the rain would be heartless and rude. Also, he wants to help her with whatever trouble she has.

 _"Nanami trusts you Otoya,"_

He clenched his fists with resolve before opening his umbrella and holding it over Haruka. She must have noticed because when he did, she looked up and looked at him with a teary smile on her face.

* * *

 _And I know that if I fall too fast…_

* * *

"Are the clothes alright, dear?" Otoya's foster mother, Hisana asked with a smile on her face.

They were talking over dinner and the Ittoki household has welcomed Haruka with warmth and care just like how Otoya did. His mother offered her sweet supervision while his father called her family and informed them that she was staying over. It was hard to believe that they were not the actual parents of Otoya because just like him, they were kind and accepting. Perhaps that was why he had a good heart. He was raised in a household which was uncorrupted and pure.

"Those are Yacchan's when he was in junior high. I'm sorry that they're still a bit too big but those are the smallest ones we have in the house. I hope that you don't mind,"

"Mom!"

"What? We call you Yacchan and you never complained once before,"

Otoya covered his face with his hands, embarrassed. Sure he was used to getting called by that nickname in their house but at school no one really knew or used it. Plus, now that he's a senior in high school, it was kind of mortifying to get called by that in front of your crush. He peaked by the gaps of his fingers to steal a quick look at Haruka only to find out that she was giggling at his mother's antics. Unconsciously, he smiled at her reaction and put his hands down and continued to eat.

"N-No! It's more than enough, thank you very much," Haruka softly and slightly lowered her head bowing with the prettiest shade of pink dusted on her cheeks that the Ittoki household has ever seen.

Otoya's father, Takumi, smiled at her reaction. She was refined and had manners. She was graceful and more beautiful than his son's other female classmates which he had seen before in the school grounds. Even though that was a fact, he couldn't help but wonder. Otoya also looked at her when he heard her reply.

"Nanami, you don't stutter around adults?" her classmate curiously asked.

It was the same thing around teachers when they ask her to recite. Though she seemed to hesitate at first, the rest of her sentences were perfectly clear and stable. She could even pull off impromptu speeches when it came to answering questions.

"Well… the Nanami corporate heir is uhh… expected to speak well in front of other parties when it came to meetings in order to represent the group flawlessly. I-I'm just…well… I guess more used to adults,"

Hisana blinked, "Nanami? Now that you mention it!"

"So that's why a butler answered the call earlier!"

Haruka blushed more and shrunk in her seat. She was not used to this amount of attention.

"A-Are you engaged to someone like in television?"

"Mom!"

"Umm… N-No, my grandmother is the one who runs the group because my parents are gone. S-She does not require me to get married to someone I am not attracted to,"

"Ohh, I'm sorry about your parents, Haru-chan," she looked like she was on the verge of hugging the girl who shook her head and assured her that it was fine. Otoya and his father did the same before everything continued.

"Do you go to school riding a helicopter?"

"Dad! Not you too,"

* * *

 _I'll be the one crashing down hard…_

* * *

Otoya opened the door of his room with a blush on his face and let her enter first. It was a pretty large room with cream walls and simple red accents. His bed was big, probably enough for two. He had a bookshelf filled with novels, dictionaries and mostly manga. He had a desk, a lamp, a picture frame of his family and his guitar at the corner.

The guest room was unprepared and dusty. She couldn't possibly stay there or so his mother said. She couldn't also be in his parents' room so the last resort was his. He closed the door and covered the lower half of his face with his forehead attached on the door. He never had a girl in his room before. Moreover, this was Haruka! Nanami Haruka! His crush! People would die if their admiration entered their room. But that would be because of shame! His room was pretty clean for a boy's but...

"I know I should've followed my instinct and cleaned yesterday," he muttered against the wooden door.

Haruka blinked and turned around to face him, "I-Is… something wrong Ittoki-kun?"

He wanted to nod. Yes, this was wrong! This was so wrong in so many angles! And it was so wrong how his parents trusted him so much! They should at least doubt a growing seventeen year old high school student! You do not put your son in a locked space with a woman because…

"Otoya, you will be sleeping on the floor while Haru-chan's on your bed,"

He wasn't sure if his mother was torturing him or giving him freedom.

"N-No, nothing's wrong. You should go to sleep, Nanami,"

He went out of the room to get the futon sheets for about a minute but when he came back, he was surprised to see Haruka still standing with a blush on her face. Seeing how red she was made him turn crimson as well. He placed the sheets on the floor besides the bed and took a pillow from the mattress.

"G-Go to sleep," he had his back turned at her but you could see that his ears were tinted red. He was pretending to straighten his clothes but in fact he was actually embarrassed. "What a lame thing to say!" he mentally scolded himself.

"B-But…" she seemed hesitant for a second and Otoya stared.

She was so cute with her hands fiddling the ends of her sweater which was actually his. Her shorts were also his but they were from his middle school days so it fit her perfectly. That white strap of cotton that showed on her shoulders was also his- no… wait…

"Otoya, that's her bra!" he reminded himself and closed his eyes while she continued with her habits.

"Y-You see… I-Ittoki-kun… uhh… what I w-wanted to say is… uhh… Ittoki-kun-"

"Sleep," he turned the lights off and headed towards his mattress. Otoya covered his entire being with his blanket and shut the world out in order to regain his composure.

"I-Ittoki-kun… listen…"

He showed an eye above his blanket to stare at her and waited for her to say something.

"I-It's embarrassing to sleep on your bed," she finally declared with her hands covering her face.

Otoya for who knows what time it is already, blushed. He stood up and pushed her on his bed before returning to his place on the floor. As if a butterfly about to go through metamorphosis, he wrapped himself in his blanket while he could hear Haruka whine in the background out of embarrassment. His bed, his pillow, his blanket and his room was going to smell like her now, the scent of rain and lavender.

"I-I know that it's embarrassing to sleep on someone else's bed, Nanami. I'm sorry that I'm not Tokiya,"

At this point, her whining stopped and she blinked.

"I'm sorry. You wanted him to be the one who finds you, right?"

There was silence between them and she didn't answer his question. When it became too long to bear, he went out of his sheets and turned his head towards the bed where she was lying and staring at the ceiling with a crestfallen expression on her face.

"About that…"

Otoya sat up and waited for her to continue.

"Ichinose-san and I broke up," he could see her smile at the ceiling and for some reason, his fists clenched and his eyebrows knitted together.

It was not worry. It was frustration and anger. Haruka was the sweetest and kindest girl he had met in his whole life. It would be such a blessing to be her friend and a miracle to stay by her side for eternity. He simply could not understand why Tokiya broke up with her, if ever, or if she initiated it, let her go. She deserved a lot more than him.

"I-It seems like he found someone else," her voice was unstable and he knew that she was holding back her tears.

Haruka and Tokiya were well known throughout their school, with her being a corporate heir and him being an idol. They started when he was in his first year and the news spread like wild fire. Otoya sometimes felt bad for her because she had to deal with his fans who wanted the idol all to themselves. He always wondered. Did Tokiya even stand up for her even once? It has been two years since then.

"Everything was fine until... well… it seems like he was using me for the press,"

Otoya's frown became deeper.

"Was that why you were tired earlier? Why you were at the swing?"

He gritted his teeth and started at her worriedly when she didn't answer.

"Do you love him?"

He could see the tears roll down from her eyes, to the side of her face and to his bed.

Otoya found himself closing his eyes painfully for the second time of the day.

"You can use me if you want to, Nanami,"

* * *

 _Nanami needs to stop blaming herself…_

* * *

He hovered above her while she was on his bed, their lips in contact with another. She was still crying and Otoya did his best to comfort her with his kisses. They started off with small ones to those where he had his head tilted against her, muffling her sobs with his mouth. His hand cupped her cheek while the other supported his weight. It traveled from her face, to her hair and it brushed her very sensitive ears.

"It's alright," the red head said every time they broke their connection to breath air.

"It's not your fault," he kissed her again and Haruka didn't retaliate nor complain.

"You can put the blame on me,"

Otoya knew that she thought that this was wrong, completely wrong. He tried to convince her in the best way that he can, to put all the guilt on him. He knew that she still loved Tokiya, it has barely been a week since they broke up and yet there she was already kissing someone else. It was fine because they're already broken and she didn't belong to him. Haruka could do what she wants because she doesn't belong to Tokiya anymore. Haruka was hurt, she was crying and heartbroken. Otoya was comforting her. And that would be his reason instead of his worry and attachment to her.

"Why are you doing this, Otoya-kun?" she asked him with a worried gaze and he tried to distract himself from looking at anywhere except her lips. He could see her grip on the sheets tighten. She was desperate for an honest answer.

"Why are you helping me?" this time she looked like she was about to cry again.

She was not scared, she was bothered. Otoya's kisses were reassuring and sweet, it was as if he was ready to defend her against everything and it made her anxious. She has never been in this situation before. He looked at her with a sad smile on his face, looking as if it was forced. Haruka lifted her hand from the sheets and this time, it was her turn to touch his face. He looked started, shocked for a second before he leaned into her touch. Haruka was an angel. She was perfect in his eyes. He couldn't understand why one would dare to make her cry.

"Nanami, were both sad so it's fine," Otoya assured with his smile reaching his eyes and she stared at him, anxious that he was lying for her sake. Then she frowned with watery ?

"I was also rejected by the one I like," if it wasn't for the shakiness of his voice and the sadness that vibrated through, if it wasn't for her talent in music, she would have thought that he was trying to fool her to be in peace. She looked at him, worried.

But no, Otoya was also genuinely sad and it showed through his words and eyes no matter how much he tried to act. He was strong, stable and independent. He does not cry unlike her who stayed up all night sobbing because of one rejection. His strength made her feel pathetic. And in the end she found herself being protected by him again.

"Who would dare to reject you Otoya-kun," he must have noticed that she was finally comfortable around him because she didn't stutter and despite their conversation, he found himself smiling at her again.

"She's blind," she pulled him down lower for a kiss and he closed his eyes to accept her.

If only you knew who she was.

* * *

 _Because she deserves everything better…_

* * *

Weekend came and Haruka was at the Ittoki household again. More than a month passed since last time and the two has grown pretty close, they were in the living room with him teaching her how to play the guitar. It all started when she came over last time and she finally asked if he could play, he also sang well it seemed. Haruka, being the musical prodigy she was, couldn't help but get interested and he laughed at her antics which he dubbed as 'completely adorable'.

"So this is C, then A minor and then-" she strummed the guitar and looked at him in awe as if she has received an achievement for the first time.

Otoya laughed and said, "Y-Yeah that sounds good."

Haruka couldn't help but stare at him a bit sternly. His hands were on his stomach and he looked like he was having a hard time controlling his laughter, a little more and he would hyperventilate. What was so funny about her learning how to play the guitar? She blinked at him as if asking why.

"I-It's just that… you look cute, Nanami," he finally answered after a couple of seconds of pausing to calm himself down.

The girl blushed at his response and lowered her head, "It's… the first time I'm l-learning to play the guitar that's why I'm amazed! Is that wrong?"

He chuckled at her before he started to kiss the pout off her face. Thank kami that his parents were out to buy the ingredients of tonight's dinner or else they would tease him to no end. It has been like this after they decided to console each other. Kisses were pretty normal but they didn't step out of the line, it would be too much.

Haruka softly whimpered at his touch before she gently retaliated, "D-Don't do that."

Otoya on the other hand, didn't stop, "Do what?"

"That!" she could literally feel another layer of blush on her face. He chuckled at her before she scowled at him with one which was about as intimidating as a cat's frown as it was abandoned in the rain. "Y-You still have to teach me the other chords and stuff. I've only learned three and you promised," the continuation of her sentence made him smile. He was glad that she relied on him when it came to simple stuff like this when she could learn it by herself because of her intelligence in music.

"And I still have to finish my assignment later,"

The red head blinked. It was summer vacation so what could possibly- ohh. Otoya stood up from his seat and rushed towards his room to grab his things. Haruka who was startled, followed him with her eyes. It was the last week of their break and they would be returning to school two days from now. They had a ton of things to do and they were hard ones on top of that. And they also had that assignment in English where they need to create a report about their break. He couldn't possibly tell his teacher about the things he had done with Haruka.

Kami, he needed to forge his alibi.

"O-Otoya-kun?" Haruka asked and sat beside him when he placed his things on the coffee table.

English, Math, Science, Japanese, Social Studies and there was still that project in Home Economics, Music and Arts! He could feel his brain slowly start to shut down. It seemed like each of them got three dozen of pages each when in reality it was only a couple less. How could he have forgotten such thing!?

"Otoya-kun you haven't started yet!?"

Though he was proud that he was suddenly promoted from 'Ittoki-kun' to 'Otoya-kun', assignment came first this time.

* * *

 _I don't care if along the way I get cut…_

* * *

Four months have passed when he already started falling deep for her. They weren't even dating. They were only consoling each other but along the way Haruka somehow started to look even more stunning than she usually was. Otoya found himself staring at her during class and staying up at night thinking about their relationship. Were they even considered as friends? Were they friends? Were they just strangers to each other with benefits? Pain seemed to explode inside his chest when he started to think about those things. It was frustrating.

Haruka was there, looking uncomfortable while a bunch of guys surrounded her. She fiddled with the end her skirt, looking at the ground with a blush on her face with her breath held back due to nervousness. Don't they notice that she's not used to this? That they're obviously bothering her? The confusion on her face only increased when one of them grabbed her wrist.

Otoya gasped, staring at the scene. He could hear his friends still talking, it seemed like he was the only one to notice. He hesitantly took a step after another and his friends glanced at him, wondering what he was up to. He started to walk towards where Haruka was but before he knew it Ren was already there dragging her away from the others.

He paused on his tracks, clenching his fists.

Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, Otoya turned around.

He stared at Masato for a second before nodding with a determined smile, running off towards the direction of the two. Otoya knew that Masato loved Haruka once but perhaps it was not a serious one, an infatuation it seems. His friends could only whisper to one another while Natsuki and Masato sighed with smiles at his direction before talking to the others.

His eyes beamed when he finally stopped the two near the library.

"Nanami-"

She was laughing at whatever Ren said and Otoya felt himself in sudden pain. Carnation pink dusted her cheeks and she showed an expression that he thought she only showed to him. He took a deep breath knowing that he shouldn't jump into conclusions. The two were just friends and Ren was just another potential love interest. They were friends. But what were Otoya and Haruka?

There it was again.

That blood curling pain which made him want to cut his skin deep.

Does she smile that way to everyone? Was she also like that to Tokiya?

Did she look at him as if he was just another face in the crowd?

If someone else found her that day at the playground and helped her, would she have accepted?

Would she kiss someone else just as easily?

Otoya painfully closed his eyes before forcing a natural smile on his face and walking towards the two as if nothing happened to him.

"Nanami! Class is about to start!"

* * *

 _Because Nanami is worth losing everything for…_

* * *

Haruka had her back pressed against the wall with Otoya in front of her. He was acting strange and she asked him what was wrong when all of a sudden he snapped and started to kiss her. By no means was it sweet, gentle or kind, it was different from the ones he usually gave to her. It was rough and deep that he somehow managed to scare her. She tried to push him away but he was stronger than her, too strong that if he wanted to, he could break her wrists.

"O-Otoya-kun?" she couldn't help but worriedly wonder what has gotten into him.

She tried her best to ignore what just happened in order to know the cause of his actions. It was completely out of character for him to act out of instinct. When Otoya didn't answer her, she started to get even more anxious. Was he mad at her? Was he tired of… whatever this was?

"Did I… Did I do something wrong?" seeing how her eyes seemed to slightly tear up made him somehow guilty.

He shook his head at her question.

"Did something happen?"

He shook his head again.

"You look like you're about to cry,"

Otoya scoffed at himself before shaking his head and leaning towards her, his face now on her shoulder. She caressed his cheek with her hand and he leaned in to her touch.

"I'm just sad…"

Her eyes painfully closed. The girl wanted to gasp but instead, she purse her lips together to show that for once she was going to be the one to help him this time. In the midst of the silence, Haruka's hand found itself on his head, running her fingers through his hair. Otoya also did that when she cried because of Tokiya last time and she found it comforting. Perhaps he'll also find it the same.

"A-Are you still bothered by the girl who dumped you?"

Otoya didn't answer and she felt that the sleeve of her uniform turned damp on her skin and she figured that she was right. He didn't seem the type to cry over something such as girls. Haruka figured that she must have been very important to him.

It seemed like she knew everything.

"What made you fall for her Otoya-kun?" she was trying to lift his spirit up and he noticed.

Otoya shook his head, "I… I don't know."

Was it her smile?

Her talent?

The way she laughed?

It was weird how he had grown to be so fond of her in just a couple of they meet, it was as if there was a switch- he was comfortable, like he had known her his whole life and he doesn't have to pretend to be anyone or anything. She made him feel honest, maybe that's why. He would daydream in class and Ringo would reprimand him, telling a joke or two while along the class, she would laugh at him and give him a smile at the end. He would smile back and just like that, he would feel contented. He didn't plan for this, it just happened out of the blue.

He just fell in love with her.

He doesn't know when

He doesn't know how.

He doesn't know why.

He just… did.

* * *

 _For her I'll be brave…_

* * *

Haruka was panting when she arrived at the Ittoki household's gate. She rang the door bell and as if immediately, she could hear footsteps. Hisana opened the gate and door for her, inviting her to come in while the student respectfully greeted first before accepting her offer. She received a call from Otoya's mother a couple of minutes ago asking if she had time.

"H-Hisana-san, did he tell you what happened to him?" she worriedly asked, standing outside of Otoya's room.

Otoya's mother shook her head, telling her everything that she knew. The male has been absent from school since yesterday and he haven't stepped out of his room since. Hisana tried to kindly ask her son about the cause of his problems but it was useless, he didn't open the door for anyone. And that's where Haruka stepped in. His mother called her because maybe, just maybe, he'll talk to someone his age.

Haruka gulped before knocking on the door a few times, "O-Otoya-kun, can I talk to you? It's me Nanami."

Silence, Otoya didn't answer her back.

Hisana and Takumi looked worriedly at each other.

Otoya has never been like this before.

"Please let me help you," her voice sounded pleading as if she was begging.

"I'll listen to everything you say,"

There was silence for a couple more seconds before-

 _Click._

His mother was already on the verge of tears, she was so worried of her son. Takumi nodded at Haruka while he leaded her wife away from the space in order not to bother the two. The rosette took the knob in her hand before twisting it open. She was shocked to see Otoya sitting on the floor with his back on the bed's frame and his head lowered. His hair was in disarray and his eyes were in a darker shade of red, more crimson than usual. Was he… crying?

Haruka hesitantly stepped inside the room and closed the door.

"Otoya-kun…" her voice was so small that it sounded almost like a whisper.

Her friend was a mess and she couldn't help but get worried.

This time, it was Haruka's turn to painfully close her eyes. She kneeled in front of him and cupped his cheek, "What's wrong?" She couldn't help but hold back the lump that was forming in her throat. Talk about the irony. It was him helping her in the rain last time she was so broken.

Otoya shook his head and said, "I'm tired."

Haruka looked really hurt at his reply.

His eyes were so soulless, looking as if he just lost everything he held dear. Was she also like that when he saw her? Did he also feel like this? Worried, anxious… nervous? Haruka bit her lip, trying to surpass herself from sobbing. Otoya has always been strong, so strong and independent, always bottling up his feelings to the point of exhaustion. Always wanting to help others while he couldn't even start with himself.

Her hands didn't move from his face and she leaned in closer, so close that their foreheads met.

Then, she started to sob for him.

"Can I stay with you while you rest?"

* * *

 _I don't care if I'm used…_

* * *

Haruka blinked when their lips separated. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were a bit red and swollen, her hair was a mess just like his. Apparently, Otoya liked running his hands through her hair while they kiss and she always ended up looking like this. He stared at her with his crimson irises and she anxiously frowned at the crestfallen look on his face. For some reason, she started to have a bad feeling about what was going to happen next.

"What exactly are we Nanami?" Otoya sternly asked her with his eyes as if pleading.

She shook her head and replied, "I don't know."

Otoya could feel the pain swarm his chest.

"But I want to stay with you…"

Haruka reeled him in for a kiss, wanting to make all of Otoya's worries dissapear. It was gentle and sweet, knowing that it was the girl who initiated it but before she could separate herself from him, he leaned forward and removed the distance between them. She was lost from head to toe because of him. Tokiya never showed her affection this much before.

"What do you want us to be?" When they broke apart, their foreheads were touching each other's and she was asking him the question with a bit of worry and curiousity. Otoya never told her his own feelings before. It was always him helping her and she felt a bit guilty.

"What do you want us to be?" her heart pounded at his question while he stared at her with crimson orbs showing solemnity and affection.

"I want Otoya-kun to stay with me,"

The red head couldn't help but smile and lean in for another kiss.

"Is that a proposal, Nanami?"

"Uhh... uhh..." the rosette couldn't help but stutter when she finally realized her reply to his previous question. She covered her face with her hands out of embarassment, their current position wasn't exactly helping her either.

Otoya chuckled as he removed her hands away from her face. The girl whined when he gave her small kisses on her hands. She tried to swat him away but figured that it was useless because he kept leaning unto her touch. Well, at least he didn't seem as depressed as earlier.

"L-lets... go get dinner together, Otoya-kun. Your parents must be worried," she stood up from his bed and went towards the door.

Turning the knob and opening the door, she expected him to follow her out. Seeing him still sitting on his bed made Haruka narrow her eyes at him.

"You don't want to get out?"

"Mom will get mad at me,"

"Y-You really don't want to get out?"

"..."

"Hisana-san! Otoya-kun's being overly dramatic! H-He… he… is being emotional—" Haruka was dragging Otoya out of his room and he was resisting her supernatural weak force.

"It's just your mother Otoya-kun!" she talked to him in a very small voice.

Seeing her try so hard was good enough to make her let him get dragged but still with a bit of resistance. Otoya who was being so sad earlier, the one that got dubbed as 'dramatic' by the girl, pursed his lips together in order to stop an upcoming laughter. It was so weird how he had a lot of things to think about when he's alone and how he's so comfortable when she's around. Hisana and Takumi glanced from the living room, their eyes finally lighting up because of the scene.

"He… d-doesn't… want to…" they were already out of his room and she was pushing him by his back with all of the energy she has.

"F-Fine! Don't eat dinner!"

She crossed her arms above her chest and walked away from him, leaving Otoya standing in the hallway. The red head chuckled and held her by the wrist, giving her pecks on the side of her lips as apologies. As if immediately, the rosette blushed and tried to cover her face with her hands. Doing that in front of his parents was embarrassing! Hisana and Takumi blinked before smiling at them.

"I'm sorry if I was being annoying yesterday and this morning," Otoya started off his sentence, looking a bit guilty.

"I… won't do it again,"

His parents only nodded at that while they headed towards the dining room.

"If you don't hurry up the food is going to get cold!" his mother voiced from afar.

It looked like Otoya was fine now, just a little bit less cheerful than usual but that was common. Asking Haruka to come over surely was a great choice. The female student on the other hand struggled to get out of his embrace. It was embarassing to show this kind of affection in public and in front of adults. And she still haven't established what her relationship was with Otoya.

"S-Stop that," she softly punched him on the chest and he grinned at her.

"Let's go get dinner,"

"S-So you are getting dinner!"

* * *

 _I've already been playing with fire…_

* * *

Masato narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Otoya who was eating his lunch which consisted of Melon pan and a pack of milk, his friend Natsuki also had the same one. They had an argument on what to eat and finally settled on following the pianist's. Now all three of them have the same food and everyone was staring, asking themselves if it was a new trend in the canteen.

"W-What is it, Masa?" Otoya grew somehow uncomfortable at the attention his friend was giving him.

"You've become a lot closer to Nanami these days. I knew it! It all started when she copied your assignment!" all of a sudden, he started to accuse the red head who seemed flustered. He was talking in such a loud voice and the others inside the room including Haruka and Tomochika turned their attention.

"You're finally a potential love interest Otoya-kun!" Natsuki shook his hand and for some reason, the three were standing from their seats and now they were standing out even more.

Haruka who was having a chat with Tomochika had her cheeks stained with pink when she heard her name. Gossip queen number one on the other hand, also known as the Nanami heir's only best friend, had eyes that brightened at the sudden news.

"Ehh? What is it that I hear? Ittoki-kun and Haruka!?" she glanced at her friend who slumped on her seat out of embarrassment.

"She told me stories about you but she never mentioned that you two were dating!"

Otoya blushed at that while Masato and Natsuki looked very proud. Haruka slumped more on her seat and if possible, she could just lie down on the floor, not caring anything about the world. She has been telling him to her best friend. She has been thinking about him. The red head couldn't help but smile. For some reason, he feels very flattered.

"So she finally moved on from Tokiya,"

The guitarist couldn't help but flinch at the idol's name, "I don't know about that. She still seems pretty down about it sometimes. They dated for two years. It's hard to move on in just a couple of months."

"Wait, Nanami and Ichinose broke up?"

"Since when?"

Tomochika frowned at the subject but couldn't help but answer, "Apparently, he was just using her for attention. You know with Haruka being all rich and that. She's pretty timid and shy so he must have thought that she was an easy target with her looks and all. I should've told her to break up with him first. It was so obvious that Ichinose didn't love her!"

She wanted to badmouth and ruin the idol's reputation as much as possible. Not that anyone could blame her, it was the truth. Outside, it seemed like Tokiya was the perfect guy for any girl when he was an absolute jerk in the Tomochika's eyes. Playing with her best friend's heart just like that, cheating on her and leaving her alone... just who does he think he is?

"Who broke up with whom?" the male with glasses couldn't help but ask and Otoya would be lying if he said that he wasn't interested at all. Haruka never told him about those details before and he was afraid to ask.

"Ichinose broke up with her. It looks like he was also with someone else while dating Haruka. You know, the girl from his recent drama? It's just rumors but Haruka confirmed it to me. It's just a matter of time before the press discovers,"

"So he was double timing and using Nanami? How… how improper!"

"I know right? I just want to go ahead and kick him on the spleen,"

Otoya's fists clenched.

Haruka has never told her those things before.

"But I do hope that she's over it already, I don't want her to get hurt anymore. She deserves someone better than Ichinose. You're going to be the one for her right, Ittoki-kun?" Tomochika asked with a hopeful smile on his face.

The red head gulped, "W-Were not dating."

The words tasted foul in his mouth as if he despised them with each and every ounce of his being. Haruka must have also heard because her blush suddenly disappeared and she slightly gasped though it was left unnoticed by the bunch. Masato, Natsuki and Tomochika cooed, teasing Otoya for what they took as denial. Little did they know that he was dead serious.

"Nanami and I are just-" by then, a familiar voice cut him off.

"Haruka,"

The said rosette turned to look at the door and her eyes widened. As if a scene in a movie, everyone stopped moving and some looked shock especially Masato, Natsuki, Tomochika and Otoya. It has been more than half a year since they last heard of him. No one has expected him to return.

"Nanami! Your boyfriend is here," one of their classmates called when she saw Haruka not moving an inch from her seat. The others still didn't know that the two had broken up. It was not announced or rumoured, they figured that the idol was just too busy to hang out with his 'girl friend'. Haruka flinched and looked at Otoya who looked just as astonished as she is. The male seemed to have not expected her reaction and his eyes narrowed, looking a bit worried.

Tomochika clenched her fists and silently muttered, "What is he doing here?"

Ichinose Tokiya.

It was the man Haruka fell in love with.

He was standing by the classroom's sliding doors in his uniform. Students were shocked to see that he was actually present in school. Midnight blue hair and turquoise-raven eyes looked the same, as vivid as they'll ever be. Otoya felt waves in his stomach and soon he'd drown. Masato tapped him on the shoulder, noticing that the red head has been creating lines on his desk with his nails. Their friend had been in pain but Masato wondered what it was like for Haruka. After all, she was the one making decisions.

"Haruka, can I talk to you?" the idol asked from afar, his eyes clouded with worry when he saw that she didn't seem to look like she wanted to get up from her seat.

Tomochika flinched, rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and said, "He's such an actor."

The heiress turned to look at Otoya who seemed surprised at her former boyfriend's actions. She looked like she was asking for his permission so he smiled at her with his trademark grin. From the side of his sight, he could see Masato, Natsuki and Tomochika gasping.

"Good luck, gambatte!"

Haruka's eyebrows knitted and she frowned, nodding at him. Slowly, she stood up from her seat and walked towards Tokiya while the red head could only stare as he took her hand in his and laced their fingers together as they walked in the hallway.

* * *

 _A little burn won't hurt..._

* * *

Tomochika looked mad, no… she was furious. She was glaring endlessly at a certain red head who seemed to be silent all of a sudden. Masato and Natsuki simply observed the scene, shaking their heads in exasperation. Judging by Otoya's expression, he was upset. It was clear that he didn't like Tokiya. He was not in favor for her ending up with him. It was then when the heir's best friend finally snapped.

"Shouldn't you be stopping her?"

"Shouldn't _you_ be stopping her?"

"What the hell is wrong with you Ittoki? I thought you liked Haruka! Why did you just let her go with Ichinose and even cheered her on!?" the other red head exclaimed, her voice rising by several octaves. Great, now everyone was staring, confused at the sudden scene that appeared out of nowhere.

"You know what Haruka's like. He's going to tell her things and she's going to believe it! They'll get back together and as if nothing ever happened they'll—"

"What am I supposed to do then? She likes Tokiya and I can't do anything about it!" Otoya loudly exclaimed as he stood up, hitting his desk with his hands along the process. He hated how everyone seemed to expect him to end up with Haruka. He knew he didn't have a chance to go against Tokiya. Not against someone as nearly perfect as the idol.

Natsuki and Masato slightly winced.

"Do you want me to chase after her and look like an idiot when she's going to choose him over me!?"

Everyone became silent at his sudden exclamation.

Tomochika gritted her teeth and grabbed him by the collar of his uniform, not minding if they were students or he was male, "You're such an idiot! So freaking stupid! After all the things she did for you? Do you know how much courage and bravery she has? None! She does not have an ounce of it in her and yet she had the nerve to stay with you when she could have used it on Ichinose!"

"You know how Haruka's like! She does not let anyone come near her and yet she let you. Get it through your thick skull that she doesn't love him anymore!"

Otoya flinched, "And what exactly do I have to do with that? We're not even friends."

The girl tightened her grip on his clothes and their classmates started to panic. Masato and Natsuki looked torn on how to stop the two from fighting.

"You know what? You're such a bastard…"

The red head remained silent while he had his head lowered.

"You don't just let people build on false hope and make it crash down like a sandcastle," Tomochika's voice was low and calm but still vibrated with hatred which sent chills down his spine.

"For once, just this once… wonder why Haruka let you comfort her," Masato was already between the two, trying to separate them with his hands but seemed to be failing. The girl had a massive amount of strength. Tomochika was baring her fangs at Otoya whose expression didn't change. He seemed determined to stand his ground.

"Because if you don't… Ittoki, I swear…" she started to growl at him and he flinched.

* * *

 _So please, let me be greedy just this once…_

* * *

 ** _"Nanami, were both sad so it's fine,"_**

 _Then she frowned with watery eyes..._

 ** _"I was also rejected by the one I like,"_**

 _She looked at him, worried..._

 _ **"She's blind,"**_

 _She pulled him down lower for a kiss and he closed his eyes to accept her._

 _ **"You look like you're about to cry,"**_

 _She caressed his cheek with her hand and he leaned in to her touch._

 _ **"A-Are you still bothered by the girl who dumped you?"**_

 _It seemed like she knew everything._

 _ **"I'm just sad..."**_

 _Her eyes painfully closed._

 _ **"I'm tired…"**_

 _Haruka looked really hurt._

More than when he found her that time at the swing.

Otoya leaned unto his hands, covering his face. Four days since the last time they met and she has already been haunting him in his thoughts. It was driving him crazy. He didn't try to avoid her in school but their conversations lessened. Haruka seemed more shy towards him than usual when she heard about what happened between him and her best friend. It was as if everything began again, a reset.

He had himself locked again in his room when he came back from school. It was painful to be in the same place as her. Being in the same room was worse. When there were activies and they were in the same group it was awkward. He couldn't look in her eyes but he felt her gaze on him... perhaps it was his imagination or he was daydreaming.

Damn it, he was being so irritating again.

This isn't some shojou manga chic-flick rom com.

He needed to stop being so emotional about every damn thing.

His mother must be worried again and it's all his fault. He didn't come down to eat dinner since then. It was also just like that time when he asked her what exactly they were. Their foreheads touched, their hands were intertwined, they kissed, she comforted him, Haruka told him that it was alright, that she would stay with him while he rested.

 ** _"What do you want us to be?"_**

Otoya gritted his teeth.

 ** _"What do_ you _want us to be?"_**

He could still her cry and the sound of her tears.

 ** _"I want Otoya-kun to stay with me."_**

"Otoya-kun..."

The red head looked up from his position, his eyes now directed at the open door. Haruka was there standing by the frame as the lights behind her casted light in his room. Otoya didn't react and simply casted his face to the side, averting his attention somewhere else. This was not some game of tag. He was not running away, he was staying on his proper place.

"Since when did you know?" his voice was steady and clear but still a bit silent, almost in depressed and furious but never heartbroken.

Haruka was quiet and she blinked fastly when water started to circle her eyes. Knowing better, she closed the door and entered the room but didn't move an inch closer to Otoya. She should've known that men felt the worst when they didn't know that their partner was sacrificing themselves for their sake. The rosette lowered her head and pursed her lips together while swallowing tears.

"When did you notice?"

When he didn't receive an answer from her, he tried to ask again.

"Nanami why didn't you tell me?"

He turned his head and looked at her with a betrayed look on his face. Haruka in front of him was shaking and crying, the grip on her skirt was loosened and he assumed that she had no strength left. Her uniform and hair was a mess. Did she run all the way to his house?

Otoya's eyes watered at the sight.

She always tried hard.

Too hard.

But he needed to stand his ground. The red head didn't stand from his place no matter how much he wanted her in his arms. To kiss her tears away, run his hands through her hair and comfort her till she calms down. Her crying was the only sound that filled his room and it was painful. He could also feel his temperature rise and his sight slightly getting blurry.

"Did you stay because you knew?"

* * *

 _Let me think that it's actually love…_

* * *

Otoya was sitting on his desk, talking with his friends who asked him questions about the earlier lesson. Classes were just finished and some of the students were already packing their bags, ready to go home while some remained for classroom duty. Tomochika who was sitting in front of Haruka leaned over the rosette's desk and eyed her with a worried gaze.

"Nanami, Ichinose is here!" one of her classmates called from the door where the idol was standing.

Everyone's eyes turned except for Otoya who tried to keep his attention somewhere else, not that it helped. He kept stealing glances from her and him, trying to see their reaction. Three weeks and they have entirely stopped talking to each other. It has also been three weeks since the day she last visited his room. Three weeks and he was still making it a big deal. She was a friend. Just a friend. Tomochika nodded at Haruka who stood up from her seat. She smiled at the girl before walking towards the idol with her bag.

"Otoya-kun?"

 _Nanami._

Otoya flinched on his seat, looking at the girl who stood in front of his seat. She was asking him to help her review with the Math problems and she asked him to check her work on the activity to be passed tomorrow. He grinned at her before focusing back on the paper in front of him.

 _Otoya-kun._

His classmate frowned worriedly. The red head looked pale and looked entirely terrified. She could see his hands slightly trembling for a couple of seconds, his eyes widened and cold sweat ran down his forehead to his chin. The weather was bad, it was chilly and was about to rain, it couldn't be because of the temperature.

"Otoya-kun, are you okay?" she placed her hand on his forehead, trying to take his temperature when he bolted up from his seat. His chair made a loud noise, it's back hitting with the desk beside him.

The girl looked startled for a second. He thought that her actions were too intimate. Too much. And the only girl he allowed himself to be touched like that was Haruka.

"Y-Yeah, I'm perfectly fine,"

"I can just ask someone to teach me Otoya-kun, you don't look that good today. You should go home, you might get sick,"

Otoya nodded. Yes, it was a good idea. Maybe he should go home now. Away from the school and away from everything that reminded him of her. Without hesitation, he grabbed his bag and bid farewell to his classmates before going out of the room and sprinting in the hallway. It was Thurday and it was his day off from the bakery, he literally didn't have anything to do right now aside from to go home.

His run slowed down to steps and before he knew it, he was walking.

Otoya took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.

This was exhausting.

It was just quarter to five in the afternoon and he was already going home. There were some students in the road. He noticed that some of them were with their friends and some with people opposite their gender, not that he minded they were couples. He's already far away from that. He has convinced himself that Haruka wasn't the one for him. That she stayed because she pitied him.

It was not love.

The red head's eyes darkened and he paused on his tracks, staying on his place. Those walking on the road paid no head and continued walking, thinking that Otoya was just in deep thought about something.

 _"Who would dare to reject you Otoya-kun,"_

Otoya's eyebrows knitted in frustration. He could not understand.

Snapping out of his daze, he was shocked to see water drop from the sky. It started with a drizzle before it turned worse and Otoya couldn't help but open his umbrella.

 _Drip._

 _Drip._

 _Drop._

Since when did it start raining, exactly?

Now that you mention it, it all started when he found Haruka in the rain-

Otoya shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking about her. Slowly, he started to walk, not minding if his shoes were getting wet beneath his feet. It was almost dark and cold. The air was chilly and frozen and the rain didn't help at all. It was too troublesome and he couldn't help but notice the drops on his umbrella getting stronger. The scent of lavender and rain, it reminded him of her.

Was it really out of pity that he let him help her?

Did she at least... feel something when she was with him?

The red head could hear footsteps which indicated running and he snapped out of his thoughts. There was another person besides him in the road which led to the playground and was most likely running. Otoya hoped that it wasn't what he thought it was. He didn't want to look, he resisted. The sound of water splashing under the person's feet was loud. The individual was most likely running with everything they had.

The student gulped and his grip on his umbrella became tighter.

Who was crazy enough to stay under the rain without an umbrella?

"Otoya-kun!"

It was a reflex, he couldn't help but turn around. The voice sounded very familiar to his ears and he couldn't hold himself back. He wanted to see her face. He wanted to hope. Perhaps he would be surprised and actually see her running towards him.

Hah.

That was the second time around now.

"How many times have I told you not to stay under the rain," the red head muttered under his breath as his lips curled up into a smile. Great, now he had to bring her to his house again because her uniform was soaking wet. And she better have an explanation for this.

His heart began to throb and the umbrella he was holding slipped out of his hand despite his silent protest. He took a step towards that person, each picking up more speed and before he knew it, he was running towards her.

"Nanami!"

* * *

 _And I will cheer up…_

* * *

 **Ughh...**

 **This was so freaking long.**

 **This was like, twenty pages in Microsoft word or something and I was too lazy to proofread because you know that feeling of achievement and you want to brag about it? It's exactly like that. I was so satisfied and at the same time tired, somehow amazed that I managed to write this. I was too excited and I wanted to post it immediately like... gahhhhhh. This story is making me crazy. This story was supposed to be for passing time but before I knew it, two weeks passed and I was still writing bit by bit. I can't stop guys. Now I'm working on Syo's chapter for the next one.**

 **I don't know when I'll update, it could take days or weeks because of school but I'll do my best. Hopefully I won't go over fifteen pages to update sooner.**

 **And ohh, I have an instagram account. I share it with bae but yeah, there are lot of chapter teasers there. You guys know the name :D**

 **Please wish me luck because I definitely need it XD**


	2. Chapter Two: (Syo) Heartstrings

**Antithesis**

 **Summary:** _"Nanami you have no idea how much you mean to us," it is in which the mind contradicts the beating of your heart. Nanami Haruka X All. [SeriesOfOneShots]_

 **Pairings:** Kurusu Syo _X Nanami Haruka._

 **Warnings:** _Alternate universe, a lot of cliche scenes, too much depressing stuff, OOC, grammar mistakes, and issues._

 **A/N:** Okay this story was started off with determination and passion which faded later on so you might notice how badly written some parts are. But hey! I tried my best to make this as decent as possible so please forgive me if some things don't make a lot of sense. And there are no kissing scenes in this one unlike Otoya's chapter. This one is more in drama unlike Otoya's chapter which definitely did require kiss scenes for the story to develop. Think about it though, there are a lot of Syo and Haruka moments in this one! It's also mainly Syo X Haruka but let's remember something!

 _ **Some things just don't end well...**_

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Uta no Prince-sama or any of its characters. This story is purely fan made and no profit has been made.

 **Next chapter: Jinguji Ren**

* * *

 **[Chapter Two: Heartstrings]  
** _"It is in which you weren't supposed to fall for the other,"_

* * *

 _I know it's cliche, the way we met..._

* * *

Syo ran with all his might through the halls of the very wide hospital which consisted of more than five floors. For the past three years, he have been there since and had familiarized himself with every nook and cranny of the place. He was nine when he and his family found out that he had heart failure and not obliging to surgery meant death for him. The doctor said that he only had six years left to live but taking the surgery meant betting on half the possibility. His family knew that he could either live or die due to complications. After they found out of his state, he was on medication for four years until he was thirteen. When he was fourteen, he finally took the courage and went with the surgery plan.

It was not easy for him or his family, Syo thought that being sick was unfair and difficult on his behalf. His parents were kind and caring towards him that he felt guilty, he knew that they had to work hard for his medications and admissions to the hospital. He envied his younger twin brother, Kurusu Kaoru. He was in his last year of high school and he was already preparing for collage, wanting to take up medicine and become a doctor. Syo never went to any kind of institution beyond middle school because of his condition. Though he loved and adored his brother, sometimes he found it rather unjust that they were twins yet he was the only one with restriction.

It took months for his scars and wounds to heal from the surgery, two years and half for therapy. Those times were the darkest of his life. He woke up unable to move and unable to speak. Unable to inform the nurse how much pain the IV brought to him. Weeks passed and he was still unable to lift a spoon, not able to walk or sit up. Syo could only cry when he started therapy. Who knew that taking steps were very hard? He nearly passed out after walking a meter, his heart was pounding really fast in his chest and he got tired very easily. He never felt so helpless before.

The blonde grinned when he arrived at the rooftop on the hospital. He was dressed in his casual clothes, he would be released today after four years of living in the hospital. It was his idea to visit every place in the facility, knowing that he wouldn't be able to come back for a while aside from the monthly check-ups. Syo stretched his arms and grinned, finally he was free. Though seventeen years of his life were wasted in treating his heart failure, he would make sure that the rest were going to be just as exciting as he thought it would be-

 _Thud._

"A-Ano... I-I'm sorry... forgive me please! I-It was not my intention, I'm... so sorry!"

The teen blinked at the rosette who cowered out of fear in front of him. Did he really look that terrifying?

"I-I'll do whatever you...you.. uhh... umm... ask me to! P-Please don't hit me,"

Great, now he bumped into someone who was a weirdo. He just wanted to see the roof top but there he was in front of a girl with the weirdest set of sunset orbs that he has ever seen. Now Syo might have not gotten out of the hospital for a long period of time but he was definitely knowledgeable about colors, they were basics for Kami's sake. Unconsciously, Syo blushed and he covered the lower half of his face with the palm of his hand. Did he just check her out? Well she looked like she was around his age. Short coral-shaded locks, doll-like features and her petite figure- Damn it all! This must be the side effect of staying in the hospital for too long. He was unexposed to others his age. Yes, that must be it.

She's just... pretty. Every guy his age checks out girls, it's normal.

So it's not love.

"A-Are you... okay?"

 _Ba-dump._

Kami, it is love!

Wait no, it's infatuation. Syo doesn't even know anymore.

The blonde's heart started to race and he took a step away from her. This was dangerous. She was definitely a weirdo! Her eyes blinked at him, looking a bit worried. He didn't give her a reply and she must have noticed that he was staring. Now he was the one that looked like a weirdo! Kami, why is everything so unconditionally unfair. He wanted to make good impressions to everyone around him and he didn't really expect this to happen. Was this love at first sight? If so it could just go away! He didn't believe in such. It's so... it's so... it's so uncool. He had already made up his mind! He'd go to school, make friends, go to collage and live life! Girls can come in later.

"Y-Yeah, I-I'm... I'm... I'm... totally fine,"

 _Ba-dump._

Cool, totally cool. Now he was stuttering. His back reached the metallic fence that towered meters above him. He could still she her looking scared but he was too busy with his own feelings to even care. Why did she think that he was going to hit her anyway? It was weird. Completely weird. What was he supposed to do in this kind of situation? Syo averted his gaze to the side, looking at everything except her. He noticed the birds, the bees, the flowers, the trees-

"W-Wait... K-Kurusu-kun?"

...And the cute little butterfly.

This time it was his turn to blink. He turned to look at her only to notice that her fright was replaced with a bright smile adoring her lips. Syo blushed at the sight but he still couldn't help but wonder. How in the world did this girl know him? Seriously, she's such a weirdo.

* * *

 _Nanami just smiled and I was like, d_ _ammit, shit!_

* * *

"We are in the same class and club, the Music Department. Kurusu-kun is pretty much adored by everyone at the school, he's smart and he plays the violin very well! The teacher praises him a lot, he's the most talented one out of all the string players in our school or so they say. This year he's the Student Council President, mostly everyone voted for him,"

Haruka explained and later on proceeded with eating her ice-cream, Syo found himself staring again. For some reason, they ended up at the hospital's canteen eating vanilla ice-cream that the staff served. They both figured that it was a good idea, he also wanted to apologize for scaring her earlier or so he said. But more importantly, he wanted to know what his brother was like outside. Towards him, Kaoru always seemed kind and responsible. He looked perfect in his eyes. He was the perfect son a parent could ask for and the perfect brother one could have. But damn he was secretive. He didn't even know that he ran for the Student Council President position.

"He told us that he had an older twin brother but I never imagined to meet him in the hospital like this,"

She smiled and the blonde's cheeks dusted with light red. He had already found his composure, he would be able to do it this time. They started introducing themselves earlier on the way to the cafeteria so they were now a bit familiar with each other. He found out that she went to the same school as his twin, Shining Academy which was a private school. He heard that it was a pretty difficult school to enter, you needed to maintain your grades which wasn't really Syo's forte. He was more of a free spirit, if he'd say.

"Y-You're now allowed to get out, right?"

Syo raised a brow at her correct assumption. Perhaps it was just a coincidence or she knew something. It really didn't matter for him.

"How did you know?"

"K-Kurusu-kun always talks about it in the classroom. He always goes on how amazing his brother is. H-He always tells us stories about you and how you're so brave and commendable for being able to fight back your uhh... disease,"

Haruka made it seem like Kaoru looked up to him, which really was the case. The younger twin was fond of his brother, he always adored him. Kaoru sometimes wondered what it was like to have complications because of Health and Science class, their teacher always told them how painful it was to have such. Syo's eyes widened at her statement, he wasn't aware of his brother doing such things. He always seemed so quiet and not the type to brag about his family. Perhaps he was expecting Kaoru to be ashamed and disappointed at him for being the way he was. Finding out that he was wrong brought a smile on Syo's lips.

"What about you, Nanami? Why are you here in the hospital?"

"I-I'm here to visit a friend. Tomo-chan got a very bad allergy reaction and she got admitted a day ago but I saw her earlier,"

It dawned unto Syo that she was visiting a friend, perhaps a classmate. She was kind and sweet, any guy would like her at first sight. Her appearance, the tone of her voice, the way she dresses and her angel-like attitude, it's normal to stare at her. He found dozens of reasons to assure himself that it was normal to fall for someone like Haruka. Syo doesn't even know anymore. Was it because he haven't had a conversation with a girl his age for more than a couple of years? Or is it because she's unique and she's Haruka?

"I'm glad she's fine now,"

Syo blushed when he saw her smile. The way her lips rose and her eyes twinkled with bliss, she seemed so pristine.

Damn it all.

He was so sure that it was love at first sight this time.

* * *

 _I think I fell for you then stumbled and it hurts like fuck..._

* * *

"And that's the laboratory! That's where we have our experiments in Science class. Syo-chan, do you like experiments?" a teen with wavy blonde hair and viridescent eyes excitedly asked, not even bothering to look at the room because his attention was fully focused on the smaller male.

Syo twitched in irritation. It has been about two weeks since he got released from the hospital and it has barely been an hour since he arrived at Shining Academy. Their homeroom teacher in Class A had insisted for him to get to know the school and thus this happened. Currently, he was getting toured by his childhood friend, Shinomiya Natsuki. He definitely did not have any idea that he was going in the same school and even more, in the same class. If it wasn't for Kaoru tutoring him and keeping him updated about school lessons, he was so sure that he was going to start in the first year not third.

"I don't like experiments," Syo harshly replied, not caring about his friend's reaction.

Science was the subject he hated the most. It reminded him of the hospital and his torturous stay there. And don't even start with how some chemicals smell like medicine. It almost seemed painful during the times his brother would teach him about the lessons. Kami, if Natsuki wasn't that close to Syo, he was sure to get offended by his remark. But they've known each other since pre-school and he has visited him in the hospital for a couple of times. As much as he hated admitting it, Natsuki was a pretty good friend. One that stuck with him through thick and thin.

"It's alright Syo-chan, I'm sure you'll like music class! You play the violin right? We took classes together!"

"I don't play the violin anymore," his tone was stern, making him seem like he doesn't even care.

Natsuki paused on his tracks and stared the blonde's back with his eyes wide. Syo turned to look at him before narrowing his eyes. Was it really that big of a deal? He had stopped playing. He hadn't even held a violin for more than three years, how was he supposed to remember how to play? It was not required for the students in Shining Academy to play instruments anyway. Kaoru told him that he could just sing along and take quizzes in music classes rather than actually participate in musicals and show off his skills.

"But Syo-chan! I thought you wanted to become a violinist? Didn't you come to Shining Academy to join the concours?"

"For that I have to join the music department which I don't even want to participate in. I already forgot how to play the violin, Natsuki,"

The music department was a group in which everyone could play instruments. They were the ones assigned to play the music during parades, programs, plays, musicals and many special events. The concours on the other hand was an event only chosen students get to participate in. Every month it is held in the hall and students get to perform a piece individually by the choice of the instrument they specialize in. Syo knew that Natsuki and his brother were excellent violinists, they participated in every concour there was since their first year. And there were less than twenty chosen students each month out of the hundreds there were in the academy.

"There are scouts watching Syo-chan! You might get scouted and-"

"Debut as a soloist? I want a job out of the musical industry this time Natsuki. When I was young, yes I wanted to do everything with music but not this time. During my stay at the hospital, I realized that I needed to be more active. Playing the violin means I have to practice alone, in a room, and away from people. I want to work with others Natsuki, not individually,"

"Syo-chan... B-But there are times when the students participating in the concours need accompaniments! Will you-"

"The violin cannot accompany another violin. You also play the violin, Kaoru plays the violin, I can't accompany any of you two more or less someone that I don't even know. And like I said, I forgot how to play the instrument, Natsuki. Stop insisting,"

The taller male frowned before following his friend who started to walk again, "But Syo-chan!"

* * *

 _Because truth to be told I won't ever tell you..._

* * *

"K-Kurusu-kun! I... uhh... I... like... you..."

Syo could feel the warmth in his face rising and he was so sure that his face was shaded in crimson right now. He bets that he's more red than his classmate's hair, Ittoki Otoya. Haruka never failed to surprise him. That time in the hospital and this time too. What was she doing confessing to him? Was it also love at first sight? Did she also feel something for him during that time at the rooftop and cafeteria? The feeling was mutual then? Syo had no idea what to think or what to do. Sure he had received confessions during his time in middle school but your crush confessing to you was another topic!

"N-Nanami?"

"I-I... I've liked you since the first year and y-you were also so considerate and kind. Y-You've helped me out a lot in my composition and- and- uhh... umm... I like you-"

First year? Composition? What in the world was she talking about?

"Nanami," Syo whispered, sounding a bit serious.

Kami, he could literally hear his heart breaking into tiny little pieces.

"Y-Yes?"

The way she sounded a bit eager and desperate made him clench his fists and force a smile on his face. He wanted to tell her kindly and considerately. Haruka was too kind, too meek and too shy. Confessing her love to the one she liked was a very big step for her. Syo knew that it took a lot of self-confidence, bravery and courage to pull that off considering how much she stutters towards him and other people. Honestly, he was proud as a friend but as someone who has romantic feelings for her, it was deafening to hear her tell him that.

"I'm... not Kaoru,"

He sounded a bit hesitant at first and felt guilty when he saw the way her eyes widened. She looked stunned, astonished even. Syo couldn't help but awkwardly laugh and scratch the back of his head while explaining the case towards the rosette. It seemed like the one she liked was Kaoru and not him. It was the younger twin brother that she liked. The kind and considerate not the sickly and irresponsible one. It almost felt like his heart failure was coming back to life. But it didn't hurt him that much at first. He convinced himself that it was infatuation for her. He liked her, not love. There was no use on crying over it.

"I'm Syo,"

He could see how Haruka's cheeks lit up with color at the realization. She confessed to the wrong person it seems. Not that Syo could blame her, he was Kaoru's twin and they looked alike. Their voices and personality were different but their features were the same. It also did not help that they were wearing the same uniform and the same hairstyle though Syo's was a bit cooler and he had clips. He knew it was an honest mistake.

"E-Ehh? T-Then..."

Syo nodded as if he knew what the girl was thinking. Haruka blushed a layer darker and he was pondering if it was wrong to think someone is cute because of this. He knew that it was inappropriate to think of something like that in such a crucial moment but he couldn't help it, she looked adorable. Syo found himself somehow mentally cursing at his own thoughts.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him unless you want me to,"

Haruka beamed a smile at his words before doubt started to cloud her face seconds later.

"I promise,"

* * *

 _How much my heart ached..._

* * *

"Hah! Kaoru's very good at playing the violin you know, he's like a prodigy. He placed first in a contest when we were young and my parents adore him for it. He has a lot of achievements,"

They found themselves together again and chatting but this time at a different location. They were sitting on a bench just inside the school grounds where students usually had their lunch. For some reason, they ended up talking to each other with their subject mainly focused on the younger twin brother of the Kurusu siblings. Not many people gave them odd looks, it was common to adore the student council president who seemed to be nearly perfect in everyone's eyes. Kaoru also often talked about his older twin brother so Syo's sudden appearance didn't seem to shock them but rather made them amazed. Twins were rare in the academy after all.

He could hear the girl chuckle at his words and he couldn't help but grin.

"He's also usually in the top three during the concours. Though he never placed on first, he's usually second or third,"

Syo blinked and started to wonder at that, "Are the other students really that good?"

"Yes, it has been like that since the first year. The batch we are in is dubbed as 'golden' by the headmaster, Shining Saotome. There are a lot of rich heirs and heiresses, not to mention intelligent and talented students in particular subjects. Most young prodigies of the nation is in our year and there are also idols,"

If possible, the blonde choked on air and Haruka kindly tapped him on the back. He looked at her with the most amazed and curious stare she has ever seen as if asking if her words were actually real. Syo thought that such things only happened in books or in anime, he never expected the school to be of high level caliber. And his brother was included in that set of special students!? Well, not that he's shocked but, it was kind of amazing really.

"A lot of concour participants are in Kurusu-kun's class. There's Aijima Cecil, Jinguji Ren and Kurusu-kun himself. In your class there's also a lot. Shinomiya Natsuki, Hijirikawa Masato and Ittoki Otoya"

"What about the rest? Are they still from our grade?"

Haruka shook her head and started to count using her fingers, "Three of the Quartet Night members graduated last year but one still remains, he's just a year below us, his name is Mikaze Ai. And I think that's all, Ichinose-san says that his instrument is his vocals but that really doesn't count."

She giggled at the thought of Tokiya's claim before asking, "Can you play an instrument Kurusu-kun?"

Syo seemed to hesitate for a second before replying, "I used to love playing the violin but I forgot how to play it already. It's been a very long time since I got to play one and I don't think I can even remember the chords."

He turned to look at Haruka who seemed to be smiling at his direction. The blonde gritted his teeth to surpass the blush that he could feel creeping up his face. He really shouldn't turn red from someone who likes his brother. Wasn't he over her already? It was just infatuation and he justified that already a couple of times ago. Why was his heart still beating so fast? Kami, he could literally feel the sweat forming and dripping down his face. What was he getting nervous for?

"I don't think that's true at all. When you love something so much, recalling it would be a piece of cake,"

 _"Falling for you was a piece of cake!"_ Syo hoped that he hadn't thought out loud.

Damn it. Damn it all!

His feelings were getting out of hand this time.

"But now that you think about it, Kurusu-kun doesn't really attend class that much. He only participates during music class and the concours. He's a true prodigy isn't he? You can really tell that he loves music,"

* * *

 _When I found out that you liked my brother..._

* * *

Syo couldn't help but stare at his brother who was practicing the violin. They were in music room number two, a place were the concour participants practiced. It was just a little over five and some of the students which came already went home, finished with their daily regime. It was just Kaoru and him left, with him being the audience for now because he insisted to wait and go home together. The younger twin was practicing a very difficult piece to play, Nel cor piu non mi sento which was composed by Niccolo Paganini. The older brother was seriously amazed. He knew that the younger was good but not this good. It was as if he was a completely different person when he played the violin.

The left hand pizzicato, the double harmonics and more multiple stunts were enough to make Syo grip his hair hard. How in the world were you supposed to play pizzicato and arco at the same time? His brother was mad. How!? How!? He only snapped out of his thoughts when Kaoru made a variation near the end of the ten minute piece. The appassionato piu lento which was supposed to be played soft and dreamlike became somehow grim and dark. The younger brother gritted his teeth and stopped playing with a somehow angry strum.

"What's wrong? Are you mad or something?"

Kaoru shook his head while wiping his sweat away with the sleeves of his blazer.

"The piece is too difficult to play and the concours is just two weeks away. There's no time to change the song and this is the only piece I can win with. I need to somehow perfect this and memorize the sheet. I really want to place first this time but I don't have any idea how to play,"

Syo grinned at his brother. It was a rare sight for him to see Kaoru so flustered and all over the place.

"Listen, calm down. Remember that the appassionato was supposed to convey a lot of emotions, not dread. You're gripping the bow too hard and your tempo in the allegro is too slow. Work more on your pizzicato and make your arco more clear. The way you play sounds good but it's nowhere perfect, I can tell you're missing notes and you're just trying to cover it up. It's completely obvious,"

The younger twin glanced at his brother and asked, "Syo, you're not participating in the concours? I thought the headmaster asked you to join."

"I'm not joining. If I accepted the offer, I'll be facing off with you and Natsuki, I don't want that. And how many times have I told you this? I have forgotten how to play the violin. It's useless. Where's your accompaniment anyway? Wasn't this month's concours supposed to be a duet?"

Kaoru noticed how Syo tried to change the subject but shrugged it off and replied, "Kaito already went home. He's pretty average in playing the piano but he's the best out of all students in the school who doesn't participate in the concours. He would have taken his place with us if it wasn't for-"

Syo turned his attention to the door which creaked open and exclaimed, "Nanami!"

 _Ba-dump._

The older twin grinned and waved at the rosette while the younger clenched his fists.

"K-Kurusu-kun?" Haruka asked rather surprised.

* * *

 _Let me describe you, okay?_

* * *

"I'm going to drop some papers in the student council office, wait for me here, Syo,"

The blonde nodded to the younger brother when he saw him exit the room and close the door. It seems like Kaoru had some business left with the office that he haven't finished yet but assured that it would only take a bit of his time. The three talked for a while before he left and after that, Haruka headed to sit in front of the grand piano while Syo stayed on his position. The male stared at the girl and observed her taking her music sheets out of a folder, it was probably the piece she was going to play.

"So you're also participating in the concours, miss number one of the list,"

Syo grinned when he saw her drop her music sheets to the ground, looking a bit flustered. She hurried and picked the papers up and he stood from his seat to help her. His eyes almost seemed to widen at the paper he was holding. The piece was not classical or as complicated as the other contestants'. It was not that difficult or technical as he thought but it was modified to fit a duet.

'River flows in you'

It was a very emotional modern piece which was made in dedication for a first love that failed. It was a song meant for lovers going through the distance and never seeing each other again. The blonde glanced at the girl who was arranging the sheets in order. He started to wonder why she choose that piece out of all the other good ones. There were a lot of pieces that accommodated duets. The piece was only meant for piano soloists. Why did she go through all the trouble of revising to fit the piano and violin?

"That's... an interesting piece that you have there,"

Haruka could clearly hear how baffled Syo was by the tone of his voice. She specialized in music, it was easy to detect the changes in his pitch. At their earlier conversation with Kaoru, he found out that she was also one of the participants. That she was the one who ranked on top among all the others, the only one his brother couldn't beat when it came to music. Kaito, Kaoru's partner in the duet, was defeated by Haruka in the first year try-out battle. He placed last for three consecutive times during their face-offs and also failed to advance during his second and third year. He had the skills but it was bad luck that he faced against the prodigy during his first year.

"Yes, it is. Quite an unusual one to play during a competition, right?"

He couldn't help but nod and stare at the piece he was holding. He expected Haruka to play something more complicated like 'La Campanella' or 'Hammerklavier'. Can her piece even beat Kaoru's? His brother's song was going to be refined to perfection and was already halfway mastered.

"Why did you pick this piece, Nanami?"

She opened the piano's cover before answering his question, "This month's theme is 'romance'. I wanted a piece that screamed 'warmth' right off the bat. And the audience is pretty familiar with the melody, yes? Its better than them getting bored, they have seen dozens of performances that incorporated prodigal talent."

"Music changes the world," he could see how she stared at the piano keys as if they were made of rare glass.

Syo blushed when she smiled at him. He really should get used to this. Haruka was really beautiful and prepossessing, she was brave when it came it music and he couldn't help but adore her even more. She seemed like a muse, attractive in both appearance and personality. The blonde could only sigh when he realized his own thoughts. He leaned against the piano and slightly smiled at her. Syo doesn't even care anymore. He just let himself fall for her over and over again.

"Really?"

Her laugh sounded like the chime of bells and he found himself staring again.

* * *

 _You're the worst kind of pain I've experienced..._

* * *

"What!? Kaoru what does this mean? You're dropping out from the concours!?"

Syo seemed baffled at his younger twin brother's decision. This morning, at school, he was shocked to not find his brother's name on the list of the program participants. It was usually posted three days before the contest and his sibling practiced so much, he even went ahead and choose a very difficult and complicated piece. At first, Syo didn't want to believe it. Rather, it seemed like a joke to him, a very bad one that doesn't make him laugh. Kaoru loved music to the very deepest corners of his heart, it was unimaginable to even predict this kind of possibility.

"Well I have something more important to do this upcoming friday and Mom already gave me her permission,"

The Kurusu matriarch always wished for the best of her children. She knew that Kaoru was at his prime when he's on stage and performing so, why? The older brother clenched his hands looking obviously annoyed. It was such a waste but he wasn't one to talk. He abandoned the violin years ago and he has no intention of going back. His fingers had already long forgotten the feeling of the strings, the skate of the bow and the numbness of his neck when he usually finished playing consecutive times. Kaoru still had his talent, he still remembers. It was kind of disappointing to see him throw away the game as if it was nothing.

"Is something up on Friday?"

The former violinist tried to sound as casual as possible while he sprawled unto the couch and continued flipping the channels. Various voices from the television rang in their ears and if it wasn't for his eyes' focus on the screen, he would have noticed the way Kaoru flinched on his place.

"I'm going to a reunion with my classmates in middle school. Everyone said that they'd come so it would be a shame if I'm the only one who doesn't show up,"

Syo remained silent and nodded. He had never graduated from middle school before, during that time he was already going in and out of the hospital. It was a year later on when he took the surgery. If he recalls clearly, he and Kaoru were also in the same school before. They might have been in different classes but that was because they were twins and the teacher suspected that they might cover up for each other thus they were separated. None of that really mattered for them though. They got to meet and talk to each other in their house, that was more than enough.

"And the concours is held every month anyway. It just so happens that it's on the same date as the reunion, it's not like I can ask the others to change it just because of my schedule. I'll just work extra harder next time,"

Kaoru's smile almost seemed a bit sad and this time, Syo noticed. His eyes narrowed at his brother's expression. Kaoru always tended to sacrifice a lot of things for people. Sometimes the older twin wonders if his sibling had asked for something before.

"Well yeah, I guess so,"

Syo decided to leave it at that.

* * *

 _Because I have to smile and lie through you..._

* * *

"It's almost Nanami's turn to perform and she's last. So the rumor was true! Kurusu dropped out from this month's concours,"

"I wonder why. I heard that he was supposed to play a very difficult piece for this selection. It would've been awesome to hear!"

"Hey, if you skip a concour, you won't be able to participate in the next one right? You'll have to wait until next year,"

"Of course. The concours is a competition for ranks, it's not a program,"

Syo's eyes widened at that. He was sitting on one of the chairs with his classmates beside him. About an hour ago, they were asked to line up and go to the school's musical theater, a place where the concours are held along with performances and recitals. He was with the others and it just so happened that the most talkative ones in his class were sitting in the row just right in front of his. At first he wanted to confirm if their statements were true but seeing how they nodded at each other made corrections and proved him wrong. Those students have been in the academy for a longer time than him, obviously, they knew better than he did.

 _"What about Kaoru then?"_ Syo found himself staring in thin air during some of the performances.

It was pretty incredible to see students perform instruments as if they were professionals. He also noticed scouts sitting in the front row which was the nearest line to the stage. The blonde couldn't help but narrow his eyes at their presence before turning his attention back to the stage. If he clearly remembers, the first one who performed was Aijima Cecil, the headmaster's son with his flute. Then came Natsuki and his violin, Ai and his keytar and Otoya with his guitar. Each of them had the piano as an accompaniment. Then, Masato and Ren stepped out at the same time which made Syo raise his brow. Both were concour participants, was it even possible? Perhaps it was because the panel of judges didn't react or object. There wasn't really a rule about that anyway.

 _"It's Nanami's turn soon,"_ the blonde found himself straightening his lousy posture to catch a better glimpse of the stage.

"Nanami-" his smile was cut off by other statements.

"Look, it's Nanami. What piece do you think she's going to play? Another Pachelbel?"

"Last time it was the Hammerklavier right?"

"I don't know, Nanami's pretty unpredictable. She might go with something more simple this time to incorporate the theme better,"

Syo shook his head and focused on the stage again. He beamed a smile when he saw the girl stepping unto the floor and walking towards the stage. She was in a dress which had a light rose shade. A pair of white heels and a necklace was enough to make her seem formal but still elegant. Her hair was french braided unto a messy bun with her bangs brushed to the side. She applied minimal make-up, perhaps a touch of powder, lip gloss, mascara and eye shadow was enough. The blonde could feel the temperature of his face rise when she came unto his view. She was freaking gorgeous! And Syo found his hands sweating. He only blinked when he noticed the unusual expression she had. It was not as if she was nervous but was more on the... panicked side?

Now that you mention it, where's her accompaniment?

He found himself staring at her worriedly when she sat on the piano, alone on the very wide stage. Twenty seconds have passed and no one still appeared, there was no one to play another instrument. Syo could hear the crowd and his classmates start to wonder and he clenched his fists, glancing at the panel of judges who were in the same state, whispering to each other. Where in the world was her partner!?

 _"Nanami Haruka, to perform Yiruma, River Flows In You,"_

Her hands rose from her lap and the audience's murmurs lessened. Slender, pale and beautiful fingers skimmed and started to play the keys to perfection, not missing a sing note throughout the measure. Then all of a sudden-

 _C..._

Syo blinked, it was a wrong note.

 _F... D... A..._

Then came a couple more.

 _B...E..._

Haruka pressed the keys hard enough to make the melody sound broken. Conversations started again and he could see that the board of judges were astonished at the scene. The rosette had her head hung low, her fingers still on the piano keys. Those in the front seats, the other concour participants shook their head while some frowned. She should have known more about her partner. At first she asked her to be her partner because she seemed nice, she was advanced in playing instruments. The pianist didn't really expect that she was going to be betrayed, moreover... ditched on stage. Syo could feel heart stir in the pit of his stomach when he heard a couple of girls giggle from the row behind him.

"Any instrument can accompany right?"

The blonde's classmate seemed a bit confused at the sudden question but still nodded. The look on Syo's eyes scared them, it was as if he was out to kill someone but at the same time filled with determination. He looked so much like Kaoru yet acted so different. They were identical but definitely not the same. Syo was braver, more confident and bold. If only he wanted to... he could be better.

"Yukio, did you bring your violin for music class later?"

"Yeah, but what do you need it for-"

Before his classmate knew it, the older twin had already opened the case and took the violin and it's bow in hand. He was walking towards the front row, passing towards the judges and to the stage. Everyone's attention focused on him as they watched him walk up the flat form with a dumbfounded Haruka looking at him. Placing the Windsor on its proper position, holding it against his neck and raising the bow, he nodded a signal towards the girl who seemed hesitant at first.

"K-Kurusu-kun?"

They would be fine, he'll be able to accompany her properly.

He was there when she practiced.

* * *

 _While saying that it's okay for you to like him instead of me..._

* * *

"So, when are you planning to confess to Kaoru?"

It has been a couple of months since then and the two had grown a lot closer. Syo would be lying if he said that he didn't harbor any feelings for Haruka because he obviously did. Actually, he knew that he had a very high chance of stealing her away from Kaoru. They had the same looks, the same talent in music and everything in their body was completely identical. It was just that he owed his brother a lot and knew that it would be overbearing to steal a girl from him. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if Kaoru just so happened to like Haruka back.

"I-I-I don't know,"

"It has been four months and you still don't know,"

They started to hang out since the day Syo stepped up on the stage with a violin at hand. The rosette was shocked to see that he actually memorized the piece she played after hearing it just a couple of times during practice. They played the song with complete harmony as if they have done it more than a dozen of times before. They didn't even need to look at each other for their cues, they had it mastered by ear. In the end, Haruka still placed first with a small margin of two points to Masato and Ren. Currently, they were sitting in the rooftop not minding the chaos on the fields below.

"W-What if he rejects me?"

Syo could help but roll his eyes, "Then I'm going to ask him why, duh. I'll be hiding somewhere near so you don't even need to worry about it."

Haruka gulped at his antics, "Y-Yeah..."

It was currently their school's annual festival which usually lasted a week. Each class put up booths and cafes, some with plays and others with musical performances. They were in their second day of the week which meant everyone has to wear their class t-shirt for the races and games in the field. Syo already participated earlier in the Three-legged race with Natsuki and the Class Jumping Rope so he had nothing to do left unless someone in his class faints and he has to replace them. Haruka on the other hand was shaking in nervousness. Her best friend, Shibuya Tomochika, signed her up for the scavenger hunt. She was not good in running but her hearing skills were the best so she usually had the best starts in races.

"Why don't you confess to him at the last week of the festival during the campfire? I'll set you two up and leave you both in the classroom,"

The rosette's cheeks started to dust pink, "U-Umm... That's too embarrassing, Syo-kun."

"Too romantic for your liking?"

"I-I want to confess normally,"

The older twin sighed and stood up from his seat, "Look, you won't be able to impress him if you don't do that. Kaoru has very high... no, very ridiculous standards! Back in middle school he liked a girl who was into planting herbs. Heck, he dated his seatmate who was so violent! I bet he's a masochist- I won't be shocked if he's a masochist. I know he's my twin but hey, I'm not like that okay? I like pianists with short coral hair, sunset eyes and-"

Syo gasped. Did he just?

"S-Syo-kun?"The rosette blushed when she heard his remark, it seems like she's not that clueless after all.

Well, Syo definitely hoped that her dense side came out in this situation to save him.

"Don't take it the other way! I... like the color of the sunset,"

"E-Ehh?

"It reminds me of... the sun,"

"Ohh..."

The blonde couldn't help but groan while he averted his gaze. Thank Kami that Haruka passed his reason or else he'd be so busted. It has been about a month since he had found out about his feelings and it took a while to do so. He spent a lot of time reflecting, doodling her name on the back of his notebooks, humming 'River Flows In You' during lunch and going home with her after school just to pass by the convenience store and treat her to ice-cream. Well, you can also count those times he went to her house for recreational learning or so Natsuki calls us 'study dates' every weekend.

 _"Calling for the participants of the scavenger hunt. Please be on the field in five minutes,"_

The blonde sighed out of relief before he stood up from his seat and extended a hand to Haruka.

"Saved by the bell," he couldn't help but mutter.

"Did you say something, Syo-kun?"

The older twin shook his head and awkwardly laughed, "I didn't say anything."

Well you can also say that they were best friends.

* * *

 _I guess it's true, I'm pretty jealous..._

* * *

Syo's heart was beating really hard and fast that it seemed like his heart condition was about to go back. He was sweating all over, even more than during those times he played. They were standing on the track line where the Scavenger Hunt starts. First, they had to run a couple of meters, jump rope ten times, answer a question properly, run again and go to the box to choose their hunt. And he wasn't even going to participate.

"Look, Nanami, you don't have to run as fast as you can. Just take your time and make sure that you don't trip,"

Haruka nodded even though she was still a bit hesitant at first. It has been minutes since her best friend started to give her lessons about 'how to run properly' and 'how to not get hit on the sides when someone runs pass you'. The race was supposed to have started a couple of minutes ago but he insisted to hold it off for a second. With him being the Student Council President's twin, no one dared to do so. Even if it meant that he had to imitate Kaoru... Well he did that, I guess.

"And what's up with your hair? Did you even listen during class? Our class president told the girls to tie their hair! That's a basic rule during the school festival races! They'll get in your way, stab your eyes and worse... make you blind! Your hair color is already blinding as it is,"

The rosette unconsciously pouted but he was too busy to even care. He was already taking off his hair pins and started to arrange her hair to his liking. Everyone in the lane stared while those who were already familiar with the scene: Syo's classmates, Haruka's classmates, some of the students at school and some of the teachers just remained silent. Ever since he found out that the girl seemed to be clumsy, with her tripping everywhere and dozing off, he was worried but not to this point. Heck, it only started during _that_ time! Her clumsiness is over nine thousand!

"I...I won't trip this time Syo-kun," she said while he finished placing pins on her hair and now she had a similar hair style to his.

"You. Fell. Down. The. Stairs. Tripping is inevitable if it's you,"

Haruka sweat dropped, "I-I'll run slowly then..."

The blonde grinned at her before tapping her on her shoulders, "Good luck."

 _"Participants for the Scavenger Hunt on your marks,"_

 _"Ready,"_

 _"Set,"_

"Nanami I swear if you trip I'll-"

 _Bang._

When the gun shot everyone sprinted towards the first checkpoint with their classmates cheering. Syo was a bit worried at first but seeing as how she was not even placed last gave him a bit more faith. His attention was focused on her all the time. He saw the way she ran, the way she nearly tripped because of that damned jump rope, how she solved that question-

"What is 6,234,829 x 29,128?"

"181,608,099,112,"

Honestly, he had no idea how she solved that question while the other participants had trouble hearing it. It must have been due to her musical skills that her hearing sharpened. Syo's eyes lit up when she arrived at the box first with no one in her tail and he had to summon all of his self control to hold himself back from standing up his seat. His classmate even started to hold him on his arms just to restrain him from getting too excited. He saw her open the paper and look around as if to search. Her eyes traveled from left to right, from the teachers to the students, to his classmates and to... him? He smiled when she saw her look at him, assuming that she was just only greeting him but it seems like he had the wrong idea. Haruka was walking towards him and he blinked in realization.

Wait a second...

Haruka was starting to run towards him.

Syo gritted his teeth as he tried to surpass the heat that he could feel creeping up his face. He really should stop assuming that she was running towards him. What if it was Natsuki who was in the same class as him? The one sitting beside him currently? Wait, no, that's even worse. She should just run towards him and take him away just like how princes do to princesses in movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty- was that just a role reversal? He was supposed to be the upcoming Prince of Fighting dammit! He was supposed to inherit Hyuuga-sensei's role and prove to the world that he's manly, more manly than all of the bishounens combined in his school- The blonde groaned. Well, his heart was beating fast like a girl's so I guess he was failing. Not really manly now are we?

"Syo-kun!" Haruka called out, sprinting towards him with everything that she had.

* * *

 _Kaoru's nice, Kaoru's cool, Kaoru's perfect..._

* * *

It was the last event of the day, the campfire. Everyone was supposed to dance around the flames with their chosen partner and they are not allowed to have any other pair for the rest of the night. It was similar to the last dance in High school when you get to graduate. Most of the students were already on the field dancing the waltz that they practiced in P.E. class. Some had their friends as their pair and some were the couples you often see in school. Haruka and Syo on the other hand, was watching the scene from afar, near the fence.

"You're not going to dance?"

"I-I don't... have a partner,"

"You didn't ask Kaoru?"

Haruka nodded and Syo sighed, "Nanami, you need to step up your game. Kaoru is not going to notice you like that."

To his dismay, the maiden only remained silent. He had been telling her to confess to his younger twin brother a dozen of times already. During those moments, she would either just nod, remain silent or give an excuse so that she can't. He honestly has no idea why she won't. A couple of months has already passed and he was sure that it was enough time to gather up your courage. The words he spoke felt foreign in his mouth although he had told her those a couple of times before. Perhaps it was because he didn't like the idea of Haruka ending up with Kaoru. But Kaoru was his younger twin brother. And Haruka loved his younger twin brother. He can't do anything about that.

"Nanami-san?" a familiar voice called out from the shadows.

"Kaoru?" Syo's voice almost sounded like a whisper and his hands unconsciously turned into fists.

If it wasn't for Haruka's oblivious personality, she would have noticed how Syo reflexively shielded his body in front of her. The pianist only blinked while Syo stared at Kaoru who had his eyes widened due to his twin's actions just a couple of seconds ago. He looked hurt for a second before he brushed it off with a soft smile, one which he usually showed to his friends and everyone around him. Damn it all.

"Well..." the younger twin chuckled nervously.

"I guess this makes things a lot easier then,"

Syo almost looked suspiciously at his own other half before he asked, "What do you mean 'a lot easier'?"

Kaoru laughed while rubbing the back of his nape. It was a rare sight for Syo, he had rarely seen his brother act this bashful before and that hint of blush on his cheeks. Syo hoped for anything other than what he was thinking. He knew that it was wrong to not support his brother but he had the worst timing ever. Even the worst of the worst would be more fitting and easier for him to accept.

"Syo, you like Nanami-san too right?"

The older twin openly focused his eyes on the other before asking, "What do you mean 'too'?"

* * *

 _And it's kind of ironic how I stay so strong..._

* * *

Syo couldn't help but shake when he sat there outside the operating room besides Haruka. Two hours, two freaking whole hours they have been waiting without anyone stepping out of the room to inform them anything. He was back at the hospital but this time he wasn't the one inside, he was the one waiting. Was this how Kaoru also felt when Syo got his heart transplant? His operation lasted fourteen hours last time and in this case, two hours just passed and he was already on the verge of hurling. He was very uneasy, it was nerve wreaking to just wait and sit around to do nothing when your sibling is fighting for his life. The older twin just hung his head hung low as he knitted his brows, swallowing the tears that has accumulated down his throat...

"He's such an idiot,"

 ** _"But now that you think about it, Kurusu-kun doesn't really attend class that much,"_**

"So freaking dumb,"

 _ **"Well I have something more important to do this upcoming friday and Mom already gave me her permission,"**_

"Kaoru is so fucking stupid,"

 _ **"Hey, if you skip a concour, you won't be able to participate in the next one right? You'll have to wait until next year,"**_

Haruka sighed as she leaned back her chair, "So what are you going to do now Syo-kun? Kurusu-kun needs a new heart within the next 24 hours or else-"

"I know," the blonde gritted and clenched both of his hands almost angrily.

"I fucking know,"

The rosette wanted to remind Syo that he was loosing his cool but she figured that it was better to show anger rather than to keep it all bubbled up inside. Syo was worried for his twin. Kaoru was never accustomed to pain before. He was supposed to be the perfect one between the two of them so what was up with this situation? Kaoru was healthy. He's not in any condition or diagnosis. Kaoru is... Syo painfully closed his eyes. Kaoru is considerate and he never wants anyone to worry about him. Perhaps his parents were aware of his situation but not telling him? They were going too far.

 _"Kurusu-kun, is too perfect, too perfect for someone like me. I've realized that what I felt for you all this time was adoration and not love, I'm sorry,"_

If his twin brother dies because of something so petty... Syo's going to regret everything in his whole life. The older twin sat back and stared at the ceiling painted in white, how many times has he seen his life flash before his eyes? He couldn't help but scoff in amusement towards himself. Does he even have a purpose like Kaoru? The doctor said that Kaoru had strained his body too much resulting for his heart to worsen its state but Syo didn't believe in that. Heartbreak was more painful and caused more triggers. It's like walking on shattered glass and drinking a glass of fire only for your heart to be hammered down with axes and swords. Kaoru's heart might have been in the worst state but Haruka's rejection caused the final blow. And Syo would make sure that he wasn't going to die because of that.

"Nanami-"

"Don't..." she didn't bother to look at him. Her eyes were clouded with rings of water that hesitated to fall down.

"Please don't..." her voice almost sounded like she was desperate, like she was pleading.

"Syo-kun, you've suffered long enough,"

For the second time of the day, Syo closed his eyes painfully.

* * *

 _When you're right there in front of me with scissors..._

* * *

"Nanami's not participating in the concours!?"

"Kaoru is also not participating?"

"Well it seems like Nanami has matters to attend to and Kaoru is busy. That's what I heard from the teachers so I don't know if it's real,"

"That's kind of disappointing, their places on the participant list is going to be removed and they won't be able to participate again until next year,"

"The concours these coming months is going to be very boring without them,"

"Now that you mention it, have you seen Syo?"

Natsuki from his seat just sadly smiled as he picked up his violin case and walked out of their classroom.

Haruka was sitting beside Kaoru's hospital bed, her cheeks still slightly stained with tear tracks as she held his hand. The younger twin just finished the operation two days ago and they were just waiting for him to wake up. Along the process, she started to dream about _him_ again and couldn't restrain the tears she has been holding back anymore. It was when she woke up crying next to the person who resembled him the most. His hands felt the same as his, his face, his voice and everything. When Kaoru opens his eyes, Haruka would also be able to see his reflection on those orbs again.

 _"Nanami promise me, promise me that after this you'll move on and be with Kaoru. That you'll support him and stay by his side and learn how to love him again," his forehead was pressed against hers and tears were trailing down her cheeks and chin. Syo's eyebrows knitted and he frowned shutting his sight when he saw the eyes he once found so weird now beautiful and filled with agony, "Promise me..." Haruka didn't dare to open her vision knowing that he was also in tears._

The rosette sniffled as she gently rubbed her thumb against Kaoru's hand.

 _"Nanami help me save Kaoru, will you?" he pleaded and she nodded at his words._

Perhaps it would be the fact that she's an only child that she wouldn't be able to understand the bond of siblings. One thing's for sure though, it would be too painful to lose someone and be reminded of them. It's not the process that hurts, its the flashbacks that follow afterwards. The truth is that airports have seen more sincere kisses than the wedding halls, and the walls of the hospitals have heard more desperate prayers than the walls of churches. Everything would be painful because to look at because of what they remind you but still so breathtakingly beautiful because of the thought they contain.

* * *

 _Smiling as you cut my heartstrings..._

* * *

 **Damn this story is using all my willpower and inspiration.**

 **Well as mentioned, all things don't end well so please don't get mad at me if you like Syo so much. I just wanted to make something very dramatic. Perhaps it would take a longer time before I update, perhaps a month or two or three because damn it, I procrastinate often. I'll summon all my determination to write though! So please support me! It takes a very long time to write a twenty paged story- ughh... please don't even start. I'm so proud of this though XD I hope you enjoyed.**


	3. Chapter Three: (Ren) Voiceless

**Antithesis**

 **Summary:** _"Nanami you have no idea how much you mean to us," it is in which the mind contradicts the beating of your heart. Nanami Haruka X All. [SeriesOfOneShots]_

 **Pairings:** _Jinguji Ren X Nanami Haruka._

 **Warnings:** _Alternate universe, a lot of cliche scenes, too much depressing stuff, OOC, grammar mistakes, and issues._

 **A/N:** Ughhh, I had a major writer's block on this one and I don't even have any idea how I managed to finish this. I'm pretty proud of this one's poem so yeah, it turned out pretty well I think. And before you complain, I know, I know, Ren sounds kind of OOC in the bits of sentences there but it you read the whole story, it'll make so much sense, trust me. So yeah, enjoy this masterpiece! Gawd, it's not even that awesome but I'm proud of it because it's a very long heck of a one shot so yeah…

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Uta no Prince-sama or any of its characters. This story is purely fan made and no profit has been made.

 **Next chapter: Ichinose Tokiya**

* * *

 **[Chapter Three: Voiceless]  
** _"It is in which repeated words are empty, they do not have meaning,"_

* * *

 _Dear Lady, it's June again…_

* * *

Ren's eyes painfully closed as he clenched his hands out of frustration. He was hiding behind the wall just beside the door which opened the view to his parents fighting. He doesn't remember how many times he has been in this situation already. All he remembers is that every single time it happened, it got worse and he just wanted to cover his ears. The second son flinched when he heard his mother's voice rise by a lot, a tone she usually wouldn't use around them.

"How many times have we talked about this? Our children will inherit the conglomerate only if they want to! I won't let you force them unto things they don't want to achieve!"

"Would you prefer that I give the company to a complete stranger then? Ren and Seiichirou are the only ones fit for this role. We've been preparing them for this their whole lives,"

"Oh, you mean them getting all worked up in school?"

The seven year old frowned as he looked down on his feet. Ren and his older brother have always had honors since they were in preschool. Their father always reminded them that for respect, you need to show that you actually deserve it. As a Jinguji, they had tutors come and go, it was usual, really. Ranks and competition in school became a chore for the brothers. You wake up, participate in the discussions and aim to get high grades.

"Did you know that Ren got bullied again? By the children of the groups you're so close to?" his mother slammed her hands on his office desk, loud enough for even their son who stood outside to hear. Her statement was not entirely false. Last week, the Jinguji couple got called to school to talk about something, namely regarding their son's injuries. Only Ren's mother came because the patriarch was busy with work, he had too many meetings in his schedule.

"Ren? He'll be fine. He has been through this a couple of times already," he spoke as if his son was some kind of person that wouldn't get affected. It irked his wife, he knew, so before she even reacted, "And before you say something, I do care for them. They are both my children." But she still didn't look that convinced. It was his personality that drove her mad. If he cared for them, then he should at least show it by letting them have their own will and not restrain them like puppets attached to strings.

"Then let them choose what they want to be! They're still young. They're supposed to be passionate and driven!" Ren's mother was almost screaming her lungs out. Thank goodness she was an opera singer or her voice would be completely gone by now. "Ren's seven, Seiichirou's twelve and I've never heard them complain or ask for something before—"

"Just how everyone's supposed to be, can't you see? They're both intelligent. People are not supposed to be spoiled. We do not need things that are necessary,"

Her eyes which were very identical to Ren's were almost filled with tears circling them. Her face looked baffled, shocked even, her thoughts revolved about why she even thought about marrying the guy in front of her. Sure, he had been a very good partner, a brilliant lover and a brilliant husband. But was he a good father for their children? She doesn't know.

"This will be the last time I hear of this," Ren's father almost seemed demanding with how his voice thundered. His mother on the other hand, seemed like she was in pain with how heavy her footsteps sounded as she walked. Ren lowered his head and took off, walking towards his room before anyone inside the room left their place.

* * *

 _It's supposed to be a month for rain…_

* * *

"Is that her son?"

"Ren-kun seems very closer to his mother. Both sons are,"

"I haven't seen him get close to her corpse, not even once,"

His mother's funeral was a tragic one. The songstress died due to a car accident while heading to her performance at the opera house. Everyone had white roses with them, a kind of flower she adored so much. Some openly wept while some looked a bit teary eyed, she was a very gentle and kind person. Her son, Ren on the other hand was expressionless and didn't even shed a tear. He silently sat on the last row in which no one was. Throughout his father, brother and relatives' speech, he had his eyesight leveled, looking more mature than his young age.

"Isn't he trying a bit too hard? He must be so depressed,"

"Or he's just ill-mannered and rude,"

"He must not be that close to his mother. Even Seiichirou was crying earlier,"

"What kind of son doesn't even shed a tear?"

All the murmurs and whispers throughout her funeral were heard by Ren at the age of eight, exactly a year later after they fought. His brother kept sending him glares as if giving him signals to act straight or get out. Well, in reply, Ren found nothing wrong with how he was acting. He was acting decent. He was sitting straight, he was quiet and he was paying attention. What else did they want? Well, it would be a lie if he said that he didn't want to let go. He had swallowed his tears down just to keep calm more than a couple of times.

" _People are not supposed to be spoiled. We do not need things that are necessary,"_

Ren can still remember his father's words. That's why crying is useless, seeing her is useless, giving a speech is useless because none of those things would bring her back. The eight year old's hands tightened their grip on his lap, "His money is also useless." Honestly, he hated his older brother and father. All his father cared about was his wealth. That his sons would be taking over his company so that he doesn't become bankrupt. Seiichirou was sticking up to him as if his father was right.

If it wasn't for that man, if he just stopped her from going then she would have lived—

"Ren-kun?"

The voice was gentle and soft, slightly similar to his mother's so he immediately looked to the side where he thought it came from. The girl who came in sight had short pink hair which vaguely reminds him of coral reefs. She wore a black dress fitting for the funeral and if he guesses right, she's about his age or perhaps a few months younger than him. What he also does not notice is how she flinches so hard, she takes a step backward.

"I-I'm sorry for addressing you in an overly familiar manner. Karen-san, referred to you that way and I… it didn't really cross my mind that I'm acting too casually. Forgive me Jinguji-san, I-I take back everything I said," she was bowing in a very formal way in front of him. Thankfully, the guests and his family's attention were on the speaker or people would have thought he had done something wrong to her… uhh… that…

Lost lamb. A little lost lamb.

Ren simply stared at her and asked, "Who are you?"

* * *

 _Yet you started a fire in my heart…_

* * *

He's almost nine when he attends a party with his family at Nagoya. It was supposed to be an engagement party for the Sakurazawa's eldest daughter and her fiancé, also a socialite event for various corporate chains to get to know each other for business purposes. Ren didn't really have a choice to refuse but he had seen no point in kids joining a gathering meant for adults. Most of the drinks served there were wine and alcohol, something he can only enjoy when he's in legal age. By then, he'd still have to wait ten more years. So you know what he does?

He sneaks out.

While the others are having the time of their lives, his father talking to the head of the Hijirikawa group and is brother dancing with a lady his age, he takes a different route and heads outside of the hall. Ren smiles when he breaks into a run and stumbles upon a stream of water. He wonders where it came from and remembers about the lake he'd seen when he and his brother toured the mansion this morning. It was really a sight to see. It was better than the noisy hall he was in with other people who he doesn't even know—

"My mother in Heaven, father in Heaven, Grandmother in Heaven, anyone, my ancestors in Heaven, Grandpa, I'm so sorry that I wandered off and left the hall. I know I get lost easily and—"

Ren blinked, he heard that voice somewhere before. And that hair color…

"—now I'm going to be gone forever, no one's going to find me because there are no policemen in the forest. I'm so sorry for everything bad that I've done. I hope that someone looks after my grandfather, he's so frail and sickly and he'll be so sad without me—"

"Little Lamb?" as if automatically, her golden eyes blinked and she stared at his figure near the stream before she burst into tears and walks towards him teary-eyed.

"R-Ren-kun,"

He couldn't help but laugh when he saw the expression on her face.

" _It's your fault for calling me 'Ren-kun' in our first meeting. As a punishment, I'll be referring to you as 'Little Lamb' since you get lost all the time,"_

They sit beside each other near the stream and he finally gets her to calm down. "To think that you'd be brave enough to go out by yourself, aren't you too brought up to defy rules, lady?" his statement was followed by a teasing chuckle which made her slightly blush in both embarrassment and humility. The two of them met during his mother's funeral. She attended because she was close with his mother as they've performed in various stages together.

"Now that you mention it, back in June, you also got lost," perhaps Ren could say that it was the first time he smiled in such a long time. Looking back now, she also was late for the funeral because when her grandfather separated from her to talk with Ren's father she somehow managed to… end up somewhere else. "Still have the habit?" he chuckled when he saw the pout on her face. Really, she was like a lamb, dense, vulnerable and cute. Ren blushed in realization while she mumbled on and defended herself on how she wasn't like a lamb. It didn't really matter really, he wasn't really listening anyway. Other than that, did he just call her cute?

"I'm shocked to see you here Ren-kun… you didn't seem like the type to attend parties since you said you hated crowds," she reminisced about what he said to her back in June as they've talked about various stuff like how she performed in stage, how he could play the Saxophone and what his mother was like. They've grown so close after a few hours of talking with each other. Ren doesn't know why, perhaps they were similar in something which seemed so invisible in sight.

"Still sad?"

"Hmm?"

"Your eyes look sad,"

Ren doesn't look at her but sadly smiles at the stream of water in front of them. Honestly, he doesn't know the answer and Haruka looks a bit worried.

"You know, when my grandmother was still alive she'd always tell me to hang on and do my best!" she leaned a bit closer to him but still far away for distance and clenched both of her hands in a 'you can do it' position. Ren blinked at her and smiled before she continued with what she was trying to say, "That I should be fearless! Never think about anything else!"

Haruka stands up from her seat and walks towards the water. Ren looks a bit concerned because she still has her shoes on and her dress was long but instead, that doubt gets replaced by a laugh when she turns around and smiles at him like they're the only two in the world, "For life there are no rehearsals, only performances so give it your all! That anger, resentment and jealousy doesn't change the heart of others, it only changes yours."

"That's why stay strong when it falls like everything is falling apart. If you want revenge, the best one is to improve yourself," when she turned around once more with the water beneath her feet, Ren's eyes widened as they land on her face. He doesn't know anything about her at all, that finally sunk in his mind. He recognizes her smile, but her whimpering voice and clouded eyes make him anxious to the pit of his stomach.

"Always smile. Everyone has something to teach you,"

As to why she cried that day, Ren would never know why.

* * *

 _Set it aflame and left me to burn…_

* * *

It has already been more than two months since the two had last seen each other. They only meet again at another party and Ren's actually glad that his brother had forced him to go. It was the Saeki family's inheritance party for their eldest child's debut. It seems like Haruka had ties with the heir and was actually his second cousin. She was also asked to play the piano while Ren's family on the other hand was there for formal accounts.

"R-Ren-kun?" she almost fumbled on the music sheets she was holding. After the Saeki patriarch's toast, she was going to sit in front of the piano and play a song for the debutant. She absolutely had no idea that Ren was going to be one of her audience. Now what? "Uhh… why are you here," he blinked when he saw her eyes go everywhere except on him. What was she nervous for? Slipping up in front of her only friend?

"Well I'm here because my brother dragged me here again. It's kind of rude if I don't show up since I was also sent an invitation," he answered her question before he moved on unto giving his own to hers. "What about the little lamb? It's very often that I see her in socialite parties," and there was that questioning smile that she sometimes feared. Haruka doesn't even know if Ren's being sweet or what. All she knows is that in the future, girls would fall for that smile and that… won't end very well.

"Little lamb, perhaps you're also from a well-off family or something—"

"Ren!"

By then, the second son slightly frowned when his brother came unto his view. Ryuuchi was panting a bit, did he run? "I've been looking for you everywhere! Father said that you need to greet the Hijirikawa family's first son. We've been partners with them family for years so it would be common courtesy—" he stopped his sentence when he saw the lady who his brother was talking to. He looked at her for a second before realization dawned to him.

"Ah, how are you, Nanami-san?" Ryuuchi flashed his most formal but still sweet smile.

"J-Jinguji-san, very well, you?"

Ren flinched at his place, almost a bit scared, talk about how much his brother's character changes.

"Brother, you know the little lamb?" as if questioning where the nickname came from, his sibling gave him a glare for the girl to be formally addressed. Ren chuckled at the look he received. His brother was always too uptight with girls unlike him. "And you also know this guy, lady?" Haruka almost sweat dropped at the multiple nicknames and how Ren just pointed unto his sibling referring to him as a 'guy'. Not that anyone out of the three of them complained.

"We've met a couple of times during mother's performances during those times she took me with her," he smiled at Haruka making her slightly blush. He was really similar to Ren, only a bit denser and… uh… innocent? Somehow that pissed the younger brother off. "And her family's one of our state partners," he silently whispered to his brother making the girl in front of them blink in confusion. Ren on the other hand, nearly flinched on his place from the sudden news.

"Everyone, may I have your attention," came from the Saeki family's head as he stood on top of the aisle for all to hear him. By then, his speech had already started and Haruka was still not near the piano.

"Uhhh… R-Ren-kun!"

"Yeah?"

"H-Hold this for a second!" she handed him her music sheets before she ran off towards the piano. Ren looked at her trailing off for a moment before staring at the papers she handed him, waltz? His eyes widened at the piece. Will she be able to play such—

"Have you heard Nanami-san play the piano before, Ren?"

The second son shook his head, "No, is she good?"

The older brother simply laughed, "Very." Haruka and their diseased mother were very close. Like she mentioned before, they performed in various stages together. In some orchestras, she played the piano and their mother would sing songs for the crowd. They've seen each other a couple of times before in practice but not that often since they both have their own schedules. Haruka always looked up to the Jinguji matriarch while she would adore her for having such talent in the tender age of eight.

"—a toast for my son and his coming of age."

 _Clang._

By then, the sound of glasses tapping each other was the signal for her to start playing.

Ren doesn't remember how but immediately, it was as if the hall was glowing.

* * *

 _Leaving me with your images that whisper throughout the day, haunting me at night…_

* * *

It was the first day of school and Ren just turned into a fourth grader. He's a little bit older than nine years old when he enters Saotome Academy, an elite school in Tokyo. It was the new semester but he was not really looking forward to seeing his classmates or anyone in school in particular. It was the same routine, go to school, participate in discussions and aim to get high grades. His father and older brother putting pressure on him were already enough. He just doesn't need to get in trouble. That's all, nothing special—

"Little lamb, why are you walking back and forth," when he entered the gate, a couple of meters passing the fountain, he saw her loitering around like some lost sheep. She had the school uniform on and a… paper? Was she holding directions? "And why are you here," he looks as if he's not used to seeing her appear out of nowhere. Seriously, everywhere he goes he sees her. Not that he's complaining or anything but he's starting to think that it's actually fate.

Great, now he sounds like that guy from his class.

"R-Ren-kun,"

He sighed and walked towards her, patting her on the head when he saw the expression on her face.

"Let me escort the lady so that she doesn't get lost anymore, okay?"

She couldn't help but blush at the wink he gave her. Haruka accepted the hand he offered and she let Ren lead her to the gymnasium. Really, she could have asked the guard standing near the gate for directions but she's too shy to do so. Thankfully, he was there. Ren hummed in wonder, is he her friend or shepherd or something? He almost laughed at the thought. Mid way through walking, he suddenly paused on his tracks.

"By the way, you also go to school here?" his eyes widened at the sudden realization. Well, she was wearing the uniform so perhaps… Haruka nodded and for some reason, his heart raced. Throughout the walk to the gymnasium for the opening ceremony, she told him about things like her being a transferee and how her grandfather wanted her to go to Saotome Academy because he's an alumni and such. Honestly, he had no idea. Thank goodness he didn't go with his brother to school because if he did, he wouldn't have encountered her.

Kami, how he hoped they're in the same section.

And it turns out they're definitely really in the same section.

Talk about coincidence or…

"Fate… my lady," the person in front Ren, Aijima Cecil whispered only loud enough for a couple of students around him to hear. Most of them who heard were laughing, complementing how cute the new transferee is and how Cecil must have been delusional which Ren thinks he is. The Jinguji heir couldn't help but raise a brow and for some reason, the back in front of him started to somehow shiver. He was definitely not glaring at him, what are you talking about?

"Meet your new classmate, Nanami Haruka-chan,"

* * *

 _Your lips on my neck is such an intimate affair…_

* * *

"So Nanami-chan, do you have any hobbies?"

"What school did you come from?"

"Why did you transfer here? How long have you been in Tokyo?"

In just a couple of hours, the pianist has already been surrounded by girls who were curious about her. The girl simply shrunk on her seat while they bombarded her with questions. She was pretty cute so many of the girls in her class wanted to be her friend. Also, transferees in their school are pretty rare nowadays with the heightened standards. Ren on the other hand, sighed while slightly glaring at Cecil who turned his seat to face him.

"Ren, I think I just found my princess," the prince of Agnapolis said with eyes that sparkled in Ren knows what because he doesn't want to know and doesn't intend to know. Cecil was of royal blood, much richer than the Jinguji family but didn't really act like one except for formal events so it wasn't really hard to befriend him. "She's beautiful, wait for me milady," he was almost swooning when he stood up his seat, about to walk towards the small crowd in order to befriend the girl.

Ren doesn't know what has gotten unto him when he pulled Cecil down to sit down again, "Cesshi, I don't think it's a good idea to talk to her right now. You can talk to her later. You'd prefer if she's talking to you in private, correct?" The prince's eyes lit up in glee in what seemed like a restraint trap, a smart plan of Ren. But hey, what do you know, he's blinded by love so nothing really mattered. And the thought of the two of them talking alone, plus points! Cecil is pleased.

"Really? Ren do you think that she'll like me—"

"I don't know why you guys want to be friends with her. She's a fraud,"

It was that sentence that cut through conversations and turned heads. Ren's eyes widened and he turned to the person who was sitting on his desk beside the window at the corner of the room. Everyone stared at their classmate in disbelief, some looked angry that someone would actually dare to bring down a girl, not to mention a transferee. Out of all people, Ren on the other hand, looked the most furious despite his calm demeanor. There was something about those cerulean blue eyes that looked down on the other.

"I saw her perform at the concert hall last week. Most of the audience were saying that she was cheating and how she had an earpiece with a track to guide her in case she forgets the notes,"

"Eiichi, cut it out," Tomochika Shibuya was the first one to stand up for Haruka whose eyes were also widened at the Ootori heir's direction. Some of the girls around the pianist started to look at each other with hesitant glances while most of the boys were with Eiichi's opinion, they've known him longer. "You're being a bastard, she's new here," she was the bravest soul out of all the girls and Ren kept his frown fixated on him.

"What? I'm just saying. People say that she cheated during her performance. She must have been kicked out of her previous school because she was also cheating,"

"Eiichi, I said cut it out,"

"And doesn't her name ring a bell? Nanami? Isn't she's the granddaughter of Nanami Tetsuya who pushed his wife to the brink of suicide—"

"Ren!"

* * *

 _Because your teeth grazed my pulse and I came to realize…_

* * *

"I get called by the school and what do I see when I come here? I see my son with his face bloody! What do the students have to say to this? None," Raging Otori said with his voice rather loud while his younger son Eiji stood beside him with his hands together and his eyes almost teary because of his brother's state. Eiichi, Ren and Haruka were in the teacher's office. Eiichi had his father and brother come, the same with Ren. The pianist on the other hand, still doesn't have a guardian.

"This is an offence. Why weren't the teachers doing anything?" Eiichi who let his father speak on his stead had an unreadable expression on his face. Ren doesn't know if that was guilt or shame, all he knew was that he deserved it. "I'm filing my case to your families, this would be a lawsuit," he continued on, pressing his point that his child was not wrong. Haruka had her head hung low while the younger Jinguji had his eyes straight, the same expression he had during his mother's funeral.

"Seiichirou, please take your brother outside," the Jinguji patriarch said and his eldest son followed. Ren hesitated standing up of his seat knowing that Haruka would be left alone in a room full of adults. Well, Eiichi and Eiji are children but all of the Otori bloodline are scandalous people or so he thought. Seiichirou sighed when he was already at the door and his brother still hasn't budged. "Ren," his father's tone almost sounded like he was scolding him.

"Well? Are they both going to admit that it's their fault or are we just going to sit around and do nothing?" Eiji almost flinched at the way his father was talking. He didn't like him acting like this even though he knows it's just out of his protectiveness towards his son. Still, somehow, the younger Otori's eyes landed on Haruka who haven't moved or spoke since she entered the room. He knew that his brother always got carried away when it came to these things. Perhaps this is one of those situations.

"Haru-chan, do you want to go with Ren-kun and Seiichirou-kun outside? I'll go with you three," her adviser, Tsukimiya Ringo kindly asked. Seconds passed and she still hasn't replied, her teacher sighed finding it hopeless. "C-Can you at least tell me what happened?" he tried asking but it was still the same. Ren held back a scoff knowing that even if they told the truth, no one would side with them anyway. Both of their parents were business men, it's all about profit.

" _Both of you! Stop it!" Cecil was the only one trying to separate the two while the other students were on their seats. Tomochika had run out to call the teacher while Haruka was watching with eyes that looked like they were about to cry. The boys in the room weren't helping either. They were cheering the fight on while the girls tried to go away as much as possible. "Enough!" the prince's voice reached its loudest tone while the two continued to reach unto the other._

 _Crash._

 _It was when Ren pushed Eiichi unto a desk. The Otori heir crashed before landing on the floor, both chairs and tables falling. By then, everything had fallen over. Ren grabbed him by the collar just as Eiichi reached over the floor, finding something to use._

 _Scissors._

 _Haruka gasped before running towards the fighting bunch. Cecil was pushed to the side by Eiichi, his back hitting the hard walls of their classroom as he dropped down in pain. Ren's face was only inches away from Eiichi when she tried to stop him with her bare hands._

" _Haruka!" everyone immediately fell silent when Cecil screamed, Haruka's hands and wrists all covered in crimson. Eiichi silently took a step back when he saw her face slightly scrunched up in pain but still smiling in assurance at the guy behind her. Ren, he looked like he was going to bloody murder someone._

 _Eiichi almost started to laugh as he watched the drama unfold in front of his eyes. Walking towards the two, his steps all of a sudden became faster before he started to swing. Haruka closed her eyes bracing for the pain. She doesn't know what happened but when she opened her eyes Eiichi was already on the floor with his left cheek bleeding and his friends gathering around him._

"I-I'm sorry," Ren turned to look at Haruka. He was shocked to see that she was actually apologizing when she didn't do anything wrong. If someone was at fault, Eiichi was. He was not the only one injured. He was just being a big crybaby, getting all worked up over a scratch. It's not even going to leave a scar. It was going to fade in a few days.

Ren clenched his hands before also lowering his head, "It was my fault, I'm sorry."

Behind him, his father and brother also bowed in his stead.

* * *

 _That you could tear my throat open…_

* * *

"Ren-kun," it was her sweet voice that snapped him out of his daze. They were at the music room talking to each other after classes just ended. Over the time that has passed they've grown a lot closer to each other, three years is a very long time. In a blink of an eye, before they knew it they're fourteen and in eighth grade. "You seem out of it these days. A-Are you okay?" when she tilted her head to the side, Ren couldn't help but somehow blush.

"Thanks for the worry, Haruka but I'm completely fine," he gave her a wink and it always amused him when her cheeks turned into a pretty shade of carnation pink. "Other than that, what did you want to talk about?" since they were in different classes this year, it was difficult for them to have conversations. Usually, they would hang out during lunch or after class so that they could catch up with things but recently, exams have been hectic and they didn't have a lot of time to see each other that much.

"Nothing, I just wanted to talk," she laid her head on the desk and glanced at him to see his reaction. "A-Am I bothering you?" it was kind of ironic how shy and hesitant she was towards Ren despite the fact that they've known each other even before they met at school. The male blushed a bit at her remark, not expecting Haruka to be the one to actually initiate something. Was he just being paranoid? Well he did miss her. Did she miss him too? What she just said… can he take that as a sign?

" _Jinguji Ren, calm your heart down,"_ outside, he was assuring his friend that it was fine despite the fact that inside, he was mentally panicking. Recently, he's been having doubts about his feelings towards the girl. He couldn't find his voice when he was around her. It felt like his cheeks were flushed hot, and his stomach was heavy. His heart pounded in his throat, threatening to break out. Her eyes wandered around the crowd while his stayed locked on her. Even in the young age of fourteen, Ren was not an amateur when it came to these topics. He knew for sure. He was a hundred percent sure that he was in love with Haruka.

"Y-You scared me for a second there. I didn't want to bother you," when she sighed out of relief, Ren could also feel his shoulders at ease. There's that static again, that crackling in the air that's always happened whenever the two of them got within a foot of each other. Even back then when they were nine year olds there should have been nothing. Now it was enough to make the little baby hairs on the back of Ren's neck stand up. It was enough now that he's a little afraid for his life, like, if her hand brushes his, one or the both of them will be instantly electrocuted.

"I doubt that you wanted to, don't worry," was this what they called a spark? When Ren smiled and placed his hand above hers she immediately turned red. That meant she also liked him right? Still, they're too young, just fourteen and they're already like this, aware. Open eyed to each other's feelings yet no one dares to say a word. Both are smart, very smart. Though there were times Ren wished he could just extend his hand and brush her cheek with his fingers, feel her lean in unto his touch, he knew that it was too much. She had things she wanted to achieve first, her own happiness. For Haruka, romance would never be a priority. It was always music. Sometimes the thought itself made Ren frown.

Haruka's grandmother was a pianist, her father was involved in music one way or another and she was born as a musician. Supposedly, three year olds would be more interested in making friends and toys but as if programed, she spent her days studying the piano and music as if it was her second nature. Haruka learned how to read music before she even knew how to read and write letters. She's always been attached to music and her purpose? Ren knows nothing about it. It made him frustrated. He's seen her cry over a piece a couple of times before and honestly, it would be something he would never understand since she never gave an answer.

"Haruka, why do you play the piano?" when the atmosphere seemed pretty light, Ren asked the question he had wanted to know the answer for years now. He himself played the saxophone but he was not that fixated on it. When he saw her somehow tense at his question, he held her fingers tighter as if encouraging her not to run away from him. "Don't you want to do other things? Like fall in love?" it was an indirect confession, yes, he had intended to do so but Haruka's too oblivious to notice. Ren promised himself that one day, he'd say it out loud straight forward so that she could understand where he was coming from.

What he wasn't expecting was a smile from her, "Yes, I do want to fall in love."

After that, Haruka painfully closed her eyes, "Grandfather said that I resemble my grandmother a lot, she always played the piano for him." Was it him or did she sound a bit… solemn? Ren's eyes widened when he remembered what Eichi told him a couple of years ago during their fight. Haruka… was it because of self-worth? Did you want to make him happy and proud? Ren doesn't know because she doesn't elaborate but he tries to figure out everything just by what she told him. "Ren-kun, you're very lucky," she told him and it maked him confused.

" _And doesn't her name ring a bell? Nanami? Isn't she's the granddaughter of Nanami Tetsuya who pushed his wife to the brink of suicide—"_

Haruka. Ren would never understand what's going on her mind.

* * *

 _Make me bleed in your arms…_

* * *

Ren's fifteen when he rushes towards the school gate with everything he has. At first he thought that she was absent due to her frail health, everyone in the class knew about it. But when the teacher didn't mention her name during attendance, he started to get worried. He tried to convince himself that Hyuga-sensei just forgot but when it repeated a few more times, Ren knew that something was up.

"Haruka!" when he reached the barrier that separated the school grounds to the outside, he was already heaving. He saw her back facing him and her chauffeur helping her get into the car. She was not dressed in her uniform. It was one of the dresses she liked so much. Ren could start to feel water circle his eyes as he extended his hand through the gaps, desperate to make her notice,"Haruka!" he was repeating her name like a mantra. As if a charm, a prayer so that she'd turn and assure him that she'd never leave his sight.

" _How many times have we talked about this? Our children will inherit the conglomerate only if they want to! I won't let you force them unto things they don't want to achieve!"_

His mother… she also left without saying goodbye.

"Why is it that you never tell me anything!?" the gate would never budge no matter how hard he tried. No, this can't be happening. "Always keeping things to yourself!" by then he was just shouting, screaming out of anger, something he never does. Perhaps Haruka would turn and look at him this time. He knew that she was listening by the way her shoulders somehow shook and how her hands clenched. When she entered the car and the side of her face showed, he was sure that she was also crying.

"Haruka!" this was what Ren hated the most, the moment where his anger started to flow down in tears. It was kind of unfair how he was looking forward to school so much. It was kind of unfair how he waited for lunch time so that they could eat together. It was kind of unfair how he's the only one that's honest and how he's the only one trying so hard. He tries to convince himself that Haruka is not the type of person who just leaves people. But when the glass rises and her face is cannot be seen, he just can't find any other reason.

" _Ren-kun, you're very lucky,"_

"Haruka!" he doesn't know when she started to get attached to her. The girl is like a snapshot out of time. He can always see her sunset pink hair blowing in the spring breeze, her youthful face turned toward the sun. How she would smile and assure him that it was nothing and how she would try to hold her tears in but he notices anyway. Perhaps it was unusual for him to act this way. To act too attached since he had learned his lesson when his mom died.

She's not his sister.

She's not even a relative.

So why,

Why is he crying when he didn't even shed a tear at his own mother's funeral?

His heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, grueling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. It is a shard in his guts that never leaves, though perhaps in time the edges will dull. It feels like death just the same as bereavement and in quiet moments it chokes the breath from his body and short circuits my mind. What was once whole is shattered; where once peace was is emptiness. Inadequate as you find him, this is his best, it is all that is left of a once a proud and strong soul —fragments on the floor, scared that the next wind will blow them away.

So Ren just stares… stares when she turns her back at him and never even bothers to look back.

* * *

 _But you choose to kiss instead…_

* * *

Ren's nearly nineteen when he's in his second year of university. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guess he must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away. Overall, he became popular to the female population over the past few years. Being a Jinguji and all, along with his talent over the saxophone, his status in life was enough to make girls melt.

It's been a little bit more than three years already and her silhouette still shows up in his mind every now and then. One would have expected him to get over it already, he also did think that way, but it was easier said than done. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't shake his thoughts off her. Not when she continued to appear on television all the time. Ren could only find himself staring on the screen. She became very beautiful over these past few years. During her recitals aired live, she would close her eyes and smile and Ren's heart would skip a beat just like before. It was as if nothing changed.

And he hated himself for that.

"Ren, Hey, Ren—" he was startled by his friend, Cecil, who stood in front of him with an intent gaze. Right. He was in the middle of practicing with him since they were both training to be idols. Even though it was a private practice, he was still distracted. His fingers weren't pressing the saxophone's keys anymore. He was frozen when he snapped out of his daze. Cecil must have noticed by the way he was looking at him curiously.

"That piece just now is interesting. You've changed," of course Cecil knew what his friend was like —collected, cool, playful and sweet towards girls. A few years before, he wouldn't have expected this change. Who would have known that Ren would turn into a Cassanova? The prince certainly did not. "Kind of reminds me of the past when you were still innocent and pure," he sighed remembering what they were like back then while Ren raised a brow, not exactly getting his point.

The current Ren would have a face of an angel if his lips would never break farther apart. He always had this flirtatious smile with him and always winked at girls as if hinting something. Every time his lips parted a centimeter, it seemed seductive to many. Yet the fake smile on his pristine face made him appear all too arrogant, like any other Cassanova. Cecil doesn't know if he should he happy or not. He knew that if Haruka was here, Ren would have been more honest with his feelings and things wouldn't have turned this way. It was not like he didn't like his current friend. Sure Ren was fun to hang out with. It just pained Cecil to see Ren smiling and pouring his affection to other girls when he himself knew it was supposedly for Haruka.

"What do you mean Cesshi," Ren leaned his back against the chair, resting his saxophone down to have a conversation. It has been a long time since the prince had gotten over Haruka. He knew that she and Ren were better off with each other thus when she left, it shocked him when he learned that she didn't even say goodbye. No one talked about her ever since that day since Ren's eyes would get teary every time. He doesn't know if the current Ren would cry if he brought her up, he changed too much.

"This part is supposed to be sad. It expresses feelings when your lover is far away and you can't see her. It should feel indecisive and weepy," Cecil pointed unto the third bar of the music sheet in front of Ren. "But Ren, in your case you become angry, huh?" he is startled because Cecil can see right through him. It makes him feel uneasy. He wasn't angry, he was just irritated and he didn't know how to express that feeling. Three years, three years without any contact makes him feel like he's going insane.

And more importantly, she's not... she's not his lover.

"Ren-kun~!" an overly sweet voice called out from the practice room's door and Cecil's sure that he closed it earlier. "Let's eat lunch together! The bell already rang," she waved her hand at him and the prince could see him smile at her as he stood up and walked. Aside from the girl there were also a couple of ladies waiting for Ren, asking him for favors, trying to make him spend time with them.

Cecil sighed before saying, "She's going to be in Japan to perform next week Sunday, Ren. You might get to meet her again." It was all over the news yesterday and the day before that, 'Haruka Nanami as the opening artist for the Triple S'. Of course a pianist of her caliber would be getting this far.

Regardless, Ren did not turn around to listen.

* * *

 _And Lady, I can see you hold your tears…_

* * *

"Haruka!" Tomochika waved her hand at her friend who just entered the café and was now approaching her seat. The place was located in the edge of the town, far from the main streets but still elegant and posh looking. "You're finally here!" as if restraining herself from getting too excited, the red head slightly jumped on her seat, both hands clenched and shivering in anticipation.

"Tomo-chan, I'm sorry for making you wait. A-At first I didn't know where to go, the streets confused me," when she settled herself on the seat in front of Tomochika, the girl immediately gave her a bright smile telling her that it was okay. Haruka back then had no sense of direction whatsoever. She was the same with the current one and that was the reason why her friend found her so painstakingly adorable. "H-How are you?" she poorly attempted to start a conversation, it wasn't really her forte.

Tomochika slyly smiled, "Fine as always, Haruka. I'm kind of sad that you didn't tell me you were in Japan till yesterday though." The pianist awkwardly laughed at her complaint before giving excuses, telling her that she wasn't allowed to tell anyone about her arrival yet. Her friend only pouted with the coffee in front of her long forgotten. "I would have wanted to see you earlier," she continued making Haruka somehow sigh with a smile. She also missed her best friend.

"Tomo-chan, I'm sorry, grandfather—"

"—is being strict and does not let me out of the house unless I'm performing," Tomochika nodded, crossing her arms and leaning back against her chair. Haruka shrunk against her seat, her head hung low as she forced a smile on her face. "I know that you're popular and all but does he really think you need that much protection?" she pointed at the men in black who were standing outside of the café. Sure, Haruka was the trending topic of Japan and being in a crowded city like Tokyo, people would recognize her easily. But does he really have to go that far?

"Haruka, you need to talk to him and say that you don't want to play for him anymore," a second later her tone turned a bit too serious. She knew about her friend's situation. "You're already eighteen and you've been playing the piano for him since what—since you were four?" Haruka was talented when it came to music, a prodigy when it came to instruments and composing. But to play against your will… that would take your inspiration away leaving you nothing but empty. Tomochika was surprised that after all this time she still had the energy to follow orders.

"He's worried about you, you know. He thinks that you left him on purpose or something," that made Haruka turn her eyes on her friend, a bit concerned. She had expected this to happen. Tomochika sighed when she saw the crestfallen expression on the pianists face. It was obvious that she was bothered. "He's changed a lot, I bet you'd be shocked Haruka. Even Cecil is having a hard time restraining him from doing something stupid," since the day she left, she had never heard from him. Nothing.

"Well… it's… understandable if he hates me,"

Tomochika stole a glance at her friend before sighing, "Nah, he doesn't hate you. He's just upset." As if a balloon losing its air, Haruka deflated. And being the good friend Tomochika was, she sighed before giving her a solution, "You two just need to talk and sort it out. I'm sure that you'll figure things."

Haruka sighed. If only it was that easy.

* * *

 _Swallow your words and hold your breath…_

* * *

"Ahh, look, Ren-chan its Nanami-sama," a girl with raven hair pointed unto the big screen in the middle of the city. She was clinging unto his arm, closely attaching herself to the male as they walked the streets of Tokyo. Classes had just ended and he promised the girl that he would go out on a date with her. Ren, being the gentleman he was, fulfilled his word. "She's very popular these days, nee? Well it can't be helped since she's the opening artist for the Triple S awards," her voice was high and sweet, too fake for Ren's liking but he put up with it for the sake of being a ladies man.

"Ren-chan, what do you think of her?" if he was to choose what qualities he hated the most from girls, it would either be that they're too clingy, noisy or demanding. He does not mention it often, yes, he likes attention but sometimes it gets too annoying. "She's very beautiful and talented. Ahh, about that, Ren-chan what do you want your ideal partner to have?" before they knew it they were standing on the sideway and he was looking at the big screen where his childhood friend was projected.

"Ren-chan, Ren-chan,"

He snapped out of his daze when the girl started to wave her hand in front of his face with a pout. As if automatically, he turned to her direction and gave her his most gentlemanly smile which definitely made her heart skip a bit seeing how much she blushed, "What is it, kitten?" he lifted her chin with his fore and index fingers, making her look at him. The girl melted on the spot, you could practically see hearts on her eyes while those who passed by seemed jealous at the sight.

"I...I…I… was just asking Ren-chan what kind of girl he likes,"

There were those girls who tried very hard in order to gets his approval. Some would even go as far as changing the way they looked or dressed in order to drown themselves as Ren's ideal woman. Some had dozens of photos of him in their phone since he was quite the man, giving all the ladies attention. In their eyes Ren was ideal. Tall, rich, talented and handsome, what else would you want? The way he treated girls was just an extra bonus.

"I like girls with pretty eyes," the way she leaned unto his touch when his fingers brushed against her cheek made him somehow discouraged. Ren's eyes narrowed a bit when the image of Haruka smiling at him flashed in his mind. "But every lady is special really," he gave her a wink that made her melt. Of course it always worked. They were enchanted by everything about his looks. What other reason could there be? Commonsense would tell you to stay away from a player right?

"I have a type which I hate though,"

The girl blinked before giving him an overly sweet smile, "What would that be?"

When she saw him grin and lean closer towards her, she expected a kiss to happen, "I don't like girls who would be willing to spread their legs for me during the first date." Her blush turned into one which was out of anger. Ren was always a gentleman… there was no way that this was him. Ren frowned when he felt a sting on his cheek. The girl had just slapped him and stormed off fuming.

" _So, what's Ren's ideal type?" one of the guys in their class asked Cecil who was closest to the Jinguji heir, they've been friends for years, of course he was bound to know a couple of things. "Ahh, of course it would be one those very popular girls like Narumiya, ehh? Long hair, curvy and very sociable with a lot of friends," Cecil paused to blink before laughing at his statement. Did they honestly think that Ren hanged out with girls because he liked them? Seriously, if they only knew._

 _Eiichi who was also in the group scoffed, "Hah, as if." He's been trying so hard not to remember what happened during middle school because that definitely meant something. I mean… who would use their bare hands to protect someone!? Obviously it would be someone who's obsessed. Lately, Eiichi has been pretty nice to his classmates—a courtesy of Cecil and Ringo-sensei who has been begging him for years since the incident occurred. The two of them seemed pretty traumatized and did not want to see anyone covered in blood again._

" _Jinguji is just hanging out with those women because he's bored," the Otori heir shook his head while his classmates looked at each other curiously._

 _Cecil laughed, "Actually, it's kind of the opposite. Ren likes girls with short hair,"_

" _Is she curvy?"_

" _Haruka— Ohh, I dunno,"_

" _Jinguji likes girls who does not flaunt, let's leave it at that,"_

" _And she's not very sociable is she? She only had me, Ren and Tomochika during her first year,"_

" _Well she's always negative about herself, I guess,"_

 _The others looked at them as if they had just grown a pair of heads. Who in the world were they talking about!?_

* * *

 _As if knives could cut deep into skin just like how your words do to me…_

* * *

When the newly wedded couple took their place at the center aisle, everyone clapped congratulating them. After nine years of being together, the Sakurazawa couple finally got together, both married at the age of twenty eight out of personal love. Ren clapped along, looking at the two who was taking photos with close friends and relatives. Nine years ago, in Nagoya, at the same mansion, he also attended their engagement party. Back then he couldn't understand what the adults were talking about so he snuck out.

" _Little Lamb?" as if automatically, her golden eyes blinked and she stared at his figure near the stream before she burst into tears and walks towards him teary-eyed._

" _R-Ren-kun,"_

 _He couldn't help but laugh when he saw the expression on her face._

Ren's expression turned into a somehow sad crestfallen smile. Now wasn't this nostalgic? Sighing, he put his hands inside his pockets and walked outside, ignoring the party behind him. Kami, he was being delusional and impractical. If he kept thinking about her he might as well be obsessed. The last time he saw her was on television— she was surrounded by people telling her that she did well during her performance. It seems like she's doing well.

Before he knew it, he's back to the place where they saw each other at the very same day. Down the path there is a stream, just as you know it —slow-flowing, languid in pace, and lax by nature. So he went along the hurrying brook, which fell over little cascades in its haste, never looking once at the primroses that were glimmering all along its banks. It was kind of funny how a place could remind someone of a person they missed so much. It was as if fate was joking, teasing him that he'd never move on.

" _Still sad?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _Your eyes look sad,"_

 _Ren doesn't look at her but sadly smiles at the stream of water in front of them. Honestly, he doesn't know the answer and Haruka looks a bit worried._

Of course she knew everything about him.

"I-I'm already eighteen, there's no way I'm lost… right… right?" Ren blinked when he heard a voice from afar but did not turn around to check. "I mean… uhh… I-I…I just have to follow this path! Yes, yes, sure, go Haruka," his eyes widened at the familiar way of talking and his heart clenched. The voice was getting closer and the footsteps were getting louder. Cold sweat glistened on his furrowed brow with his hands clasped tightly on his sides, not moving an inch. It almost took him a full minute just to turn around and check.

"It's final… I'm lost," he saw her sink on her feet, her sole and ankles filled with marks and small bruise lines. How long had she been walking? "Uhh…" she turned to look around before standing up, trying to find a route. She slightly rubbed her knees from time to time and adjusted the straps of her heels, she was obviously uncomfortable.

Ren's eyes narrowed at the sight, "Haruka?"

When she turned to look at him with those sunset orbs, Ren found himself speechless.

* * *

 _Truth is, yes, I do miss you. It's the thought of your lips against anyone but mine that kills me…_

* * *

Ren had his teeth gritted when he threaded through the hallway of the Jinguji estate. Of course, how could he have not seen it coming? When he arrived in front of the large door that lead to the office of his brother, formerly his father's, he had no hesitation in opening it whatsoever. Jinguji Seiichirou was on his seat, looking at the papers when his younger brother barged in.

"How many times have I told you to stay away from my office?" Seiichirou took his glasses off his face, they were obviously straining his eyes from all the reading he has done. When he glanced back at his brother, he noticed the furious expression that marred his face. "What's up with you?" he seriously had no time to deal with childish tantrums— especially if it came from his brother since he couldn't just fire him like one of the servants in the mansion. He was also a Jinguji, so he had to _bear_ with him being a Jinguji.

"Did you know that a _friend_ has been sending me letters all this time?"

Seiichirou raised a brow at the emphasis and clenched fists, "No, I expected this generation to be rather advanced. We do have technology nowadays, _Ren_." The younger Jinguji looked more pissed off when he replied, he's never seen him like this before. "Just say what you want," it was more of a demand, really. He just wanted this to be over with. He had a lot more important things to do.

"Haruka said that she's been writing to me all this time,"

"And your point is?"

"Where are they?" Seiichirou raised a brow at the sudden accusation. Honestly, he had no idea what was going on in his brother's mind not does he have any clue what to expect next. "You're the one that servants follow. Surely, they have told you about the mails we've been receiving," that was a fact, really, not that he was lying. Ren looked very determined to get answers. He had the expression his brother hated the most on him — rage. He almost looked like the male counterpart of their mother whenever she had a fight with their father.

"Did you somehow meet her again?" Ren looked stern when his brother questioned— he obviously knew something. "You're old enough to figure things out by yourself, Ren," he leaned back to his chair, stressed because his brother is bombarding him with questions. "Obviously there's a reason as to why you haven't been allowed to receive any of those letters," when he opened his desk, he waved a pastel envelope for his brother to see and threw it on his desk.

"Her grandfather hates you,"

Ren clenched his fists.

 _Ren watched Haruka being dragged away by the Nanami family's butler with her grandfather walking in front. The younger Jinguji had his eyebrows knitted when he saw her eyes slightly get cloudy. It was not Haruka's fault. It was obviously Otori Eiichi's._

" _ **And doesn't her name ring a bell? Nanami? Isn't she's the granddaughter of Nanami Tetsuya who pushed his wife to the brink of suicide—"**_

 _Haruka's parents were star-crossed lovers— her mother being a normal individual with no special connections and her father, the Nanami heir. Tetsuya was visibly concerned but the two were stubborn—they decided to elope. A year later, Haruka was born but months after that, her parents died in an accident. This lead to Tetsuya and his wife taking in their only grandchild but Haruka's grandmother was too depressed by the news and decided to take her own life. Haruka and her grandfather had always been together since then. He always said that she resembled her late grandmother rather than her biological father— her eyes lit up and since then, she had been trying to impress to turn his frown upside down._

"Still, it's not your place to interfere," during times like these, Ren hated his brother to the bone. It was as if he was a child— not allowed to make his own decisions. He could handle himself just fine and no one needed to tell him what to do. "Those letters are important," of course there were a lot of them. Haruka did not fail to write to him every week the past few years.

"You don't need them,"

" _Then let them choose what they want to be! They're still young. They're supposed to be passionate and driven!"_

"Yes, I do,"

* * *

 _But since were both silent, how do we move on…_

* * *

It's the second Sunday of June when they meet again. They're both eighteen when he found her on stage, ready to perform. She looked absolutely stunning and he found his breath halting, his friend Cecil playfully raising his eyebrows at him. The hall was packed and the two of them had taken their seats on the front row— sometimes they just had to thank their surnames for that matter. A lot of people had wanted to see her play. Other prodigies their age were all over the place along with scouts and other famous artists.

"So, have you talked to her already?" Cecil teasingly asked, elbowing him on the side. Ren shook his head. It was not easy to just pretend as if nothing happened. "Ren, you're being pretty slow," the usual Cassanova would have already moved smoothly and swift. It has already been a week at most since they met and for Ren that is saying something. Sure, she was writing him letters all this time but he's still pretty upset over the fact that she left without saying goodbye.

"No,"

"When will you talk to her—"

" _Nanami Haruka, to play, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Prelude in G Minor Op. 23,"_

By then, a round of applause was heard and both turned their attention on the stage where Haruka was sitting in front of the piano. Cecil smiled knowing that she was going to be fine— the piano was her forte. When the song started and her hands elegantly slid across the keys, some of the audience held their breath.

"So you're going to ask her to date you now?" Cecil leaned towards him, eyes still on Haruka who was performing.

" _Now that you mention it, back in June, you also got lost,"_

Ren grinned at the memory and when his eyes met her, he smiled.

* * *

 _Lady, don't make me fall for that stare again…_

* * *

 **I'm taking this out on Antithesis.**

 **This story is officially my emo diary since there's not much romance in the fourth season and I'm so sad. I'm sorry if I took so long though. This story is too damn long. I'm trying to think of a plot for Tokiya's chapter on the next one. It's going to be soon… I think. I just hope I don't take three months to update again XD And I know… Ren is a bit— very— cough— OOC, but I needed to update and yes, I tried to make him as Ren-ish as much as possible. Enjoy the results of my hard work though XD If you have suggestions please, tell me cause I need it so much *cries*.**

 **Ciao~!**


End file.
